Oh yeah, really?

You know, I wanted to start out this post by telling everyone good news (and I’ll get to that) but I read something today that turned my stomach and immediately made me go WTF.

A post by a blogger that I read regularly (who I also know reads my blog) posted today the list of ingredients in breast milk followed by the ingredients listed in formula. I suppose to make a point (maybe you want to clarify it here) that breast milk is far superior to formula. And that by extension women who choose formula for their babies for one reason or another (or heck for no reason other than they don’t want to breast feed) are some how doing their children a disservice.

Well, if there is one thing I can’t stand it’s a sanctimommy*. That is a mother who feels that their way is the best way and that everyone else is so clearly doing it wrong. Newsflash: no they aren’t. Formula is actually a good source of food for a baby, otherwise they wouldn’t sell it and people wouldn’t buy it. Not to mention some people cannot physically or emotionally handle breast feeding or they cannot or choose not to pump. Not everyone can be a SAHM with time to breast feed. Some of us work outside the home and pumping takes time from work and to be honest, it isn’t a whole heck of a lot of fun. I don’t think that every mother is capable of breast feeding and I don’t think that women should be made to feel guilty if they choose formula for whatever reason they do. I am SICK to death of the breast is best rhetoric. To be honest with you I hated HATED breastfeeding once I returned to work. Spending 1.5 to 2 hours a day with a suction cup to my breast doesn’t make a person feel close to their child, despite what most breast feeding advocates tell you. No, a pump is not a bonding experience.

Besides the whole breast pump issue I think a woman has the right to choose what she feels is best for her and her baby. I am not going to force myself to breast feed if it’s taking an emotional toll on me and thus affecting my relationship with my child or my husband. Again some women are simply incapable emotionally of breast feeding and that does not make them a bad mother and it certainly does not make you a better one. Please understand that your sanctimonious post, dear blogger friend, insults millions of women and it insulted me tremendously.

Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest I do want to update you guys on a few things.

My next Ob appointment is Wednesday next week. I will be a day shy of 12w for it. I am fairly certain the doc will whip out the doppler so we can hear the heartbeat. I am both terrified and excited about it. I think once you’ve dealt with any IF issues you are always concerned that something could go wrong. But I am trying to remain positive. Other than that I have no real baby-to-be news to report.

The really fantastic news we received this week is that Ray has a new job. A really nice new job that will basically make our income go up 33K a year which is, frankly, insane. The job does have a bit of a downside in that we’ll have to move Clara to a daycare closer to Ray’s new work. The upside is that the daycare center is the same franchise as the one we currently attend, so in all likelihood it would have a very similar pre-school and kindergarten readiness program. A bigger bonus is that the school system in the county is among the best in MD and so long as she has after school care I can actually allow her to attend school there. I am thinking, if all goes well, we might move to that neighborhood at some point in the future.

We have been very lucky this month- the summer has been the most interesting we’ve had in years.

I’ll update again after our appointment next week. Positive thoughts for a strong, healthy heartbeat.

*and just to give credit where credit is due this is not my word. This word was coined by a friend on mom's forum that I belong to elsewhere on the internets. I wanted to make it clear that I am not, in fact, that witty.

I know finally...

First, a not so wonderful update but at the same time not world ending. I did not get the job. Which actually truly shocked me. They apparently went with someone internal which I knew would end up being the case eventually. I did however, get a personal phone call to tell me that the hiring managers were extremely impressed by me and that they wanted to make sure the recruiter kept my name and resume close by for any other compliance related opportunities in their area. I guess that's supposed to make me feel better. The recruiter is supposed to call me today to talk about some next steps. We'll see what happens.

Also, we've seen the RE and the OB already since my last post. Both have seen a heartbeat on our newest little babe. Great news, after some awful news last week. I was happy that we were able to attend the RE appointment because it gave me the chance to place the u/s picture in my grandmother's casket. Anyway, based on my LMP I am 7w4d today. I still think they have it wrong, I happen to know I am 7w2d today but, hey 2 days less is fine by me.

The baby is measuring perfectly, so as of now nothing to worry about except the fact that I've lost about 5lbs since the start of this pregnancy because I can hardly eat anything, and when I do I just feel sick after. So, I've been very cautious about what I am eating. Ray keeps suggesting that I take more B6 and B12 for energy and I am thinking I might give it a try, it can't hurt right? I would just like to feel good for at least part of the day.

I literally took a 2.5h nap yesterday. Poor Ray had to contend with a cranky and overtired Clara. After her nap though we went to in the in-laws for my FIL's birthday. There were lots of other family around so me tanking out on the couch, not eating anything would have been met with pretty skeptic eyes. Good thing I managed to hold it together until we got into the car. Then both Clara and I passed out. I woke up when we stopped but Clara stayed asleep (at 7pm!!!) and stayed that way until 7:15am!! I woke up later than usual (since we had the Ob appointment this morning) and I was shocked at how long she slept. Naturally though, after spending almost two straight weeks with Mommy and Daddy she didn't want to go back to daycare. She just kept saying "I don't wanna play with friends"- poor thing.

That's really all that's going on here. Next appointment in 4 weeks and possibly the NT scan if I can swing it with the insurance company (such a PITA).

Random

I am not even sure where to start this one. My grandmother is dying. I mean she's been very sick over the past several months but my dad and my uncle took her off life support this morning. It's really only a matter of time. The woman has been suffering so in a lot of ways this is probably a good thing. I know she was struggling to remain upbeat after the last hospitalization.

I wish I had gotten the chance to tell her about the new baby. We were waiting to see her in person because I wanted to cheer her up. Now I am not sure she ever got to know (because I made my dad promise not to tell her). I kind of hope he ended up telling her anyway.

Since the funeral will likely be Monday (she didn't want to be waked and apparently my uncle and father are abiding by her wishes but, I think they should do it anyway) I have to cancel and reschedule our u/s appointment with the RE. We'll be in NY for a couple of days after just to be with my family.

So now instead of celebrating the joy of new life, we'll be mourning my grandmother instead. I know everyone will say circle of life and all that but- still it's sad.

How did I not remember

The nausea? The exhaustion? Gah, I can't do anything around here.

I had my final interview on Friday. I think it went rather well. I had to give them my real application and I needed to send it via USPS but, ha, wouldn't you know it those bastards were closed yesterday (must be nice). I had to fedex it (and not cheaply either). I did manage to get my thank you notes out yesterday afternoon though (apparently they were still delivering mail just there were no retail locations open). Hopefully this will all work out how it's supposed to.

On another job related note Ray has an interview coming up this Friday. They haven't yet sent him the schedule but told him to leave the afternoon after 1pm open. So we are leaving Hershey a little earlier than I intended. We had to go get him a new suit (do you people know how insanely expensive a decent men's suit is? close to 600 bucks and that only included one shirt and one tie). I told Ray that this investment better be worth my while (in other words if he doesn't get this job his ass better be pounding pavement to do other interviews that justify the fact that we just shelled out close to $600 on a singular piece of clothing).

See, here's my rant. I don't really buy clothing because I really hate to shop. But when I do, I purchase a few things here or there, so my budget for a year is probably around $600 (in actuality it's probably a hell of a lot less than that, I mean how many black pants and skirts does a girl really need, after all?) Ray doesn't buy clothing (I usually get him three shirts and two or three new pairs of khaki pants for Christmas) so his budget is less than $200 a year. So spending $600 on a single suit, shirt and tie really stings for me. But I guess it's worth it if it makes a good impression. It's a really snazzy looking suit, for sure.

Not much else going on here. Just getting ready for vacation by trying to stay awake long enough to clean the house and get some crap done. Thinking about taking Clara to the pool this afternoon (if she naps and is good). I am excited about our trip to Dutch Wonderland I just hope I have the energy to do all the thing I want to do with her.

I'll post after our u/s on the 11th. Lots of good thoughts please.

They Joy of the (mostly) Anonymous Internets

Since I would really love to shout it out from the roof tops that I am, in fact, pregnant and that it happened without medical intervention but cannot, I will have to bask in the glory of this pregnancy with my mostly anonymous internet friends. At least for the next 8 or so weeks.

I had a beta done Friday and repeat today, both with the RE. They agreed to monitor me until we see a heartbeat. Once that happens I'll have them transfer my records to my Ob's office and I'll call to schedule an appointment with her.

Now, I cannot tell you the numbers for either of the test since I didn't ask and I don't care. According to both tests things are looking (and I quote) "great"- we are scheduled for an ultrasound on July 11 (right after we get back from vacation). I am surprisingly more relaxed about this pregnancy than I was for my pregnancy with Clara. I just remember being completed freaked out before the first u/s with her. I think I am trying to be more zen about the whole thing. Probably a better approach all around.

On top of all of that wonderful, wonderful news I also got a third interview with this company I've been interviewing with. I decided to go for it after a long (and helpful talk) with a dear friend of mine who finally had to convince me that hard-work does not necessarily equal stress and that I am sort of wasting away at my current position (all true things to be sure). Friday I meet with the marketers. This should be- well- interesting. I just hope I can charm them as well as I have charmed and made in-roads with all our marketers here. I honestly hope I get the job though I do worry how well I will be accomodated regarding this pregnancy. I guess we'll cross that bridge if we have to.

You know the month started out rather poorly (being robbed and all) but if someone asked me whether June ended up being a good month or a bad one. I'd have to say June turned out to be my favorite month this year!

Curiousity...

Well I had to pee anyway. Good thing that test was just sitting around.

Looks like we're having another baby. Due March 3 according to all accounts. Now I just need to figure out which doc wants to run this beta blood test- the RE (who we have yet to see) or my Ob/Gyn. Lots of calls to make tomorrow morning.

Well, well, well...

I just wanted to quickly update all of you regarding the job situation.

I did in fact have a face to face with some of the folks for the company I applied with. I was required to meet with three folks from the department (the hiring manager, her manager and then a peer of the hiring manager). They are a very decentralized office so I expected that there would a bunch of folks to meet. I have to say for the job they want the new compliance person to do they aren't offering nearly enough money to do it. They basically want a person to come in do the marketing compliance from the ground up, IMHO they have almost nothing in place. It seems that they have never have a real, true marketing compliance person in the position before anywhere in the company (and we are talking an international company with a BIG presence and big market share in what the do) so this really shocked me. I would basically be putting together the process and procedures for the department and putting together definitions for the marketers to use in order to comply with the regulations that govern their business. It's a really big job for the money they are offering and, honestly, I am not that interested in building a marketing compliance department for them. In a situation like that they are better off hiring someone within their company who has more understanding of the business and market strategies than I do. I am supposed to know on Friday whether I got yet another interview round. That's the other thing, I realize that they want to heavily vet whatever candidate they choose but I don't have all the time in the world for these interviews, I still have a job that I like and need to be good at because there is a relatively good chance I'll be staying there despite its many flaws.

On to something else. I am 11DPO (12 if you are reading this on Thursday) and true to my word I refuse to test until Sunday (which would be CD1 if I have a 14 day LP, which I don't it's usually around 13 days). So far my temps have been pretty good, funny actually the charting software I use (not Fertility Friend) gave me a triphasic message today. I told Ray and he was like "is that a good sign" and I said "I don't take it to mean anything but the software says it could mean I am pregnant" he said "oh, really?" yeah really but I don't think so many women get triphasic patterns when they aren't pregnant too. We'll have to see what my temp is tomorrow. They usually start to downward slope on 12DPO and I usually start spotting on 11 or 12DPO also and I suspect that the B6 has at least kept me from spotting at 11DPO (yippy). I told Ray he shouldn't get too excited there is a good chance he'll have to repeat his SA and I'll have to do the CD3 bloodwork (which if I am not pregnant would fall on our appointment day, fingers crossed). Anyway, if by some chance I am pregnant I'll be sure to update on Sunday. I suppose I would call the RE's office and let them know and see if they still wanted me to come in anyway. We'll cross that bridge if we come to it.

That's it really. Nothing more exciting going on at this point.