Well, well, well...

I just wanted to quickly update all of you regarding the job situation.

I did in fact have a face to face with some of the folks for the company I applied with. I was required to meet with three folks from the department (the hiring manager, her manager and then a peer of the hiring manager). They are a very decentralized office so I expected that there would a bunch of folks to meet. I have to say for the job they want the new compliance person to do they aren't offering nearly enough money to do it. They basically want a person to come in do the marketing compliance from the ground up, IMHO they have almost nothing in place. It seems that they have never have a real, true marketing compliance person in the position before anywhere in the company (and we are talking an international company with a BIG presence and big market share in what the do) so this really shocked me. I would basically be putting together the process and procedures for the department and putting together definitions for the marketers to use in order to comply with the regulations that govern their business. It's a really big job for the money they are offering and, honestly, I am not that interested in building a marketing compliance department for them. In a situation like that they are better off hiring someone within their company who has more understanding of the business and market strategies than I do. I am supposed to know on Friday whether I got yet another interview round. That's the other thing, I realize that they want to heavily vet whatever candidate they choose but I don't have all the time in the world for these interviews, I still have a job that I like and need to be good at because there is a relatively good chance I'll be staying there despite its many flaws.

On to something else. I am 11DPO (12 if you are reading this on Thursday) and true to my word I refuse to test until Sunday (which would be CD1 if I have a 14 day LP, which I don't it's usually around 13 days). So far my temps have been pretty good, funny actually the charting software I use (not Fertility Friend) gave me a triphasic message today. I told Ray and he was like "is that a good sign" and I said "I don't take it to mean anything but the software says it could mean I am pregnant" he said "oh, really?" yeah really but I don't think so many women get triphasic patterns when they aren't pregnant too. We'll have to see what my temp is tomorrow. They usually start to downward slope on 12DPO and I usually start spotting on 11 or 12DPO also and I suspect that the B6 has at least kept me from spotting at 11DPO (yippy). I told Ray he shouldn't get too excited there is a good chance he'll have to repeat his SA and I'll have to do the CD3 bloodwork (which if I am not pregnant would fall on our appointment day, fingers crossed). Anyway, if by some chance I am pregnant I'll be sure to update on Sunday. I suppose I would call the RE's office and let them know and see if they still wanted me to come in anyway. We'll cross that bridge if we come to it.

That's it really. Nothing more exciting going on at this point.

The closer we are the further we are

I just wanted to give a little update on the few items from last week.

The interview went exceedingly well. I was told they want to see me face to face next Tuesday at 2pm. I was told by the recruiter that someone would get in touch with me this week about it but I have yet to hear anything and so that is worrying me. But to be relatively honest I am fairly happy with my current position so not getting this job is not the end of the world. I could stay here for as long as they want me here. My only reason for applying for the position was that it was with a really great company but other than that the job is basically the same as what I am doing with maybe a little more specificity and challenge. The big draw would be, of course, the pay and benefits and the option to earn a S.eries 7. At this point it’s “wait and see” if they get in touch with me before the end of the week. I imagine if they don’t I’ll have to email the recruiter. I did manage to get my thank you letter sent out yesterday so with any luck that will be enough of a reminder to get in touch.

Regarding the robbery; Ray spoke with the detective on Monday morning. The Balto Co Police think they found my iBook. Apparently they arrested some girl in the area with items linked to another robbery that took place about 4 streets down from us. With those items they found an Apple iBook which matched the description of my iBook. Ray had just located the paperwork/serial information for my iBook so they are looking into it. Additionally, he gave the detective information regarding his xbox (since he had an xbox live account the folks at Microsoft were able to track it). We still need to fill out paperwork but we managed to purchase a new TV last Wednesday (not sure if I mentioned that in the last post).

Clara, sigh, Clara. I swear she's trying to drive me to drink. The past week she has refused to go to bed on time. Finally, last night I took to doing her night time routine a full hour before we normally do it in case she gave me a hard time at least she'd be closer to bed time then the last week. Well that was major fails-ville. She still didn't go to bed until 9:15 and then she wanted me to sit with her. I've had it. I went in there and told her that she was a big girl and she didn't need mommy to sit with her that Daddy and I were both in the living room and would be there if anything happened. When I left she screamed again so I went back in there and told her to give me her pacifier and her monkey and that I was turning off the light and she could sit in the dark (again mean, I know) but it worked (for a change) and she went to sleep. Gah. Then this morning after a mere 8 hours of sleep (so not enough for a toddler) she woke up and screamed for an hour for us to put in Nemo or George or Cars. NOT HAPPENING because, as I have mentioned previously 10 minutes is never enough, heck three hours is never enough-nothing is ever enough basically. So we cut it off completely. I had to fight her getting dressed and she started to go bonkers about that. After I let her fit it out for another 10 minutes (while I got dressed) I finally said "would you like to wear something else?" and she nodded and I said "mommy is happy to help you pick out something else but you must stop crying, can you do that?" she nodded yes. She did stop, she picked out her clothing. I got her dressed, hell I even did her hair and she was fine all the way in the car up to daycare (she nearly fell asleep so I imagine she'll be tired for nap time today). She was also good when I left school (unlike the two previous days when she was screaming bloody murder). We'll see how the sleeping goes tonight. I might have to change the routine a little to get her to go to bed on time. Parenting can be so tiresome.

And lastly about TTC; it looks like according to both my ovusoft chart and FF I ovulated 4 days ago. But my temps are lower than I would expect them to be (around 98-98.2). However, I re-read some of my old blogs from when I got my BFP with Clara and apparently 98-98.3 or so was the range for post-o on that cycle so maybe I did O. It’s a good sign anyway, two ovulatory cycles in a row and O on the same day of the cycle. If I didn’t know any better I’d say the PCOS is under control. HOWEVER, despite the optimism in this paragraph I have made an appointment for us to see the RE on June 27. I would rather go in and say “I just got a BFP, check my shit out” then wait until the end of this cycle with a BFN and not be able to do any testing until the beginning of the next cycle (which wouldn’t be entirely true they could do the SA at least just not the HSG or cd3 b/w). It’s actually pretty perfect the timing of this appointment. I will be CD3 on the day we go in (you know providing I didn’t get pregnant), so we might be able to start right then and there with at least the CD3 b/w, HSG (if she wants to re-do-please no) and SA. Not sure if she’ll put me back on the met/clomid again before the HSG results (if I have to do the HSG at all). I personally would rather skip the met because of the horrendous side effects, I am finding the cinnamon to be a nicer, gentler alternative and I wonder if she’ll just let me continue that instead of jumping right into meds. Also, considering the fact that I am ovulating on my own (watch next cycle will be annovulatory again) I wonder how that will change how she treats us. I think a lot of this will depend on Ray’s SA, my CD3 b/w. I am predicting that this coming up cycle will be all the testing, no monitoring and that the cycle in July is when we’ll actually be doing treatments. More in a couple of weeks, for now we wait.

Imma Hafta Disappoint

No, I didn't test, and no AF hasn't arrived but- let's just say I am not optimistic about the cycle. I am posting today to let you folks know that I probably won't test (if I even need to test) until Friday. I just didn't want anyone showing up here tomorrow expecting a post with a result. Chances are my result will be "AF is here" and we'll be On To Another Cycle. I will say this, if AF shows tomorrow (could be today as my temps were down pretty significantly this morning, though still above the "cover line") I will probably post.

I have mixed feelings about this cycle. On the one hand I am super thrilled that I ovulated on my own and that my temps stayed pretty constant and high for a full (hopefully if I don't get my period today) 13 days. I am concerned about the spotting though since it could indicate a different problem but, I am hoping that was just because of the BC. But of course I am disappointed that AF is around the corner and that this wasn't the cycle. Honestly though it would have been a miracle for us to get pregnant this cycle. And even though I told myself I wouldn't get my hopes up for having another January baby (seriously the due date would have been the same week as Clara's) I, of course, did because that's just how I am.

I'll leave the rest of my thoughts for either tomorrow or Friday.

HA!

I added a link to my Fertility Friend Chart to the side bar of this blog, just because. Normally, there wouldn’t be much to show in a chart like mine, since with the PCOS it would be all wonky temps and non-matching CM and other fertility signs. But, for some reason after I wrote last Wednesday’s post my body got the message that “hey we could work if we want” and so, you will see that it did. That makes today 7DPO. A minor miracle if I do say so myself.

Ray asked me this morning what he thought our chances were this cycle. I told him timing was pretty good so I’d say 75%. That’s about what it would/should be in any normal cycle. I didn’t tell him that though- he thinks it is all him-LOL. Boys! ;)

I don’t want to get too excited, since there is a pretty decent chance that nothing happened here. I am happy though because at least my body did something right. Will the pattern continue? Will I be “normal” again? There are no early pregnancy signs to speak of because, well, at 7DPO how could there be really. I think if I am going to obsess over signs I’ll wait until at least 10 or 11DPO to make that call. When I was pregnant with Clara the only symptom/sign I had was severe cramping about three to four days before my cycle was due.

I know you are wondering if I’ll test early. I am really going to resist. Seeing a stark white negative test would probably kill me. I’d rather AF show up then deal with that, honestly. I know that just because I get a negative test at first doesn’t mean I won’t test positive later but why do that to myself? Why not just wait until the day my cycle is due if my temps are still up? It serves me no purpose to test early. What does that mean for those of you reading this blog? That means, if my LP is the exact correct length, if my temp is still up next Thursday you will be the first to see what the outcome is. Is the suspense killing you yet? :P

If I have to pinpoint why things went well in this cycle it’s because of weight loss combined with this decaf cinnamon tea that I drink. Without really know how it would affect me I started drinking this tea. The tea is very good and it was actually the only reason I drank it (it doesn’t need any sugar, it’s naturally sweet because the cinnamon is sweet). For the last few months I have been trying to cut down on sugar and sugar substitutes (since they give me migraines) and I almost always put sugar in my coffee (milk too) which is added calories and not good for IR PCOS folks (or my continued and still needed weight loss). Then I came across this tiny little study (this is linked to the SoulCysters forum but the text is from Science Direct not sure what journal it was published in) that linked the taking of cinnamon with better blood glucose levels. What’s even more interesting is that it doesn’t need to be a huge amount, in a dose as low as 1g daily will do it. Well I drink 4 cups of this cinnamon tea a day (again it is decaf) this is easily 3g of cinnamon and I have been doing this for the last 4 months, the time for efficacy is actually 8 weeks. Is that awesome? Now, can I say for sure that this was the tipping point for why I actually ovulated this month? No but I think the BCP, combined with additional weight loss and the added boost from the cinnamon surely didn’t hurt. Right?

And to leave you on a separate, but much related note, we went to Mass this Sunday and after Communion during my silent prayer time I said a prayer for my grandmother who is very sick right now. In addition I also prayed to St Gerard. Not for me necessarily, because well that’s not how it’s supposed to be. I actually was thinking more about Ray’s two cousins. His older cousin suffered two miscarriages and is currently pregnant with a sticky baby. We are so excited for her but I know how devastated she must have felt suffering through those miscarriages. His other cousin (it’s actually his cousin in law) was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in her 12th week of pregnancy with her third baby. According to her gyn oncologist the lump they removed is a slow acting tumor- they couldn’t determine where it came from or how it would metastasize. The good news is that she won’t have to have a hysterectomy but the doctors aren’t sure if she’ll be able to have more children naturally. Both of these women deserve the prayers and intercessions of St. Gerard, as well as the many women who suffer from miscarriage, cancer and other forms of infertility.

Stay tuned for next Thursday when we find out whether or not this cycle panned out.

13DPO- and waiting

So after receiving the shock that I ovulated spontaneously the nurse told me to come in on 6/7DPO to have a progestrone test. The RE had told me that I needed a level above 15 in order to avoid vaginal suppositories. My level was 15.9. They are making me take them but for what?

I am not pregnant.

Not that i know for sure since I haven't tested but I am 99.99999999999% sure I am not. AF cramps have been here for the last two days a sure sign she's on her way. I can't even be disappointed about this because I knew our timing sucked especially with Ray's issues.

We agreed to do one more natural cycle (mainly because Ray wants to) and then start IUI. I have faith that the IUIs will work because I really believe that it's mostly Ray's issue at this point. We know I can be stimulated on 50mg of clomid, I am sure the 100mg will be even better. Now if only my insurance company were such jerks about everyhing.

That is a post for another time.

Anyway, so here I wait. It may be that AF is delayed due to the progesterone but she will be here and then it's another call to the RE's office to start the next cycle of pills, monitoring and shots. So fun! :/

Spontaneous Ovulation

So to let everyone know what happened at my appointment. I was supposed to go in for a PCT, u/s and a trigger shot on Sunday at 10:30am. The nurse on Friday told us to have sex in the early morning or late Saturday night. Ray and I went to see Prince Caspian on Saturday and got back later than I thought and just fell right asleep, after spending the previous few days on the house we were both beat. So we decided to have sex on Sunday morning about 2/ 2.5 hours before the appointment. I figured that was okay.

At the appointment, the RE does the PCT and then goes to do the u/s and tells me "well it looks like you ovulated yesterday (Saturday) so no need for the trigger" I was like "oh no" and she said that she thought that the timing was good but I think because she thought we had sex on Friday night, not on Saturday morning. We also had sex on Thursday night so we are sorta covered, I guess. The timing is not wonderful but it's not terrible either. Needless to say I wish we had gotten in another time between Thursday and Sunday early morning. I am just stunned though how did my follie go from 17mm to 22mm in 2 days?I just knew this was going to happen.

Normally I would be thrilled about it but considering that we didn't have sex on Saturday night I think we missed our timing again . I am supposed to go for a progesterone test on Friday. She said the level needs to be 15 or better...at least I don't have to keep taking HPTs to see if the trigger is out right??I have to say though overall I am disappointed. The whole point of the monitored cycle was so that we didn't mess up the timing and we did it anyway because my body wants to do what it wants, like before only now it's doing the right thing just at the wrong time. FIGURES! So I guess I am in the 2ww although I am expecting nothing but a visit from deary AF at the end of it.

We'll see what the progesterone levels yield. I'll make my decision to take an HPT on that.

So A Funny Thing

AF isn't here. Not even spotting. My temps went up this morning?? I think my chart is wrong.

I'm a skeptic I guess. I won't test! I can't bare to see the negative result even with decent temps. I'll wait until Monday unless AF shows by then (and she will).

I can make it through the weekend (I think) besides I only have one test at home and I don't want to waste it on this cycle when I feel we had no chance. Our timing was great if I ovulated 14 days ago, it was okay if I ovulated 12, not so great at 11 days or less.

Only time will tell I guess. Wait wait wait. That's the fun part. Still having cramps and craving sweets (not like me at all) but I am still sure she'll show tomorrow or sunday at the latest!

Well Okay then

Who's been waiting for an update??

So, I wish I could say that interesting things are happening. Truth is, nothing is happening. I am 12DPO today. Tomorrow should be the last day of my typical LP (that's Luteal Phase, Mel) and I should have dear old AF on Friday.

I am 99.99% sure that AF will show on Friday because I've been experiencing acne, chocolate cravings and terrible headaches. All 100% sure signs of impending AF. I am okay with it. I just want to move onto our medicated IUI cycles already. I want to stop playing this "did we time it right" game and I want to be sure that a doctor is monitoring what we are doing. As odd as that seems. At least I know I'll actually have a chance if a doctor is doing SOMETHING for us.

In the meantime we wait for my period to come. Ray's next SA is Monday the 28th and there is a good chance I'll have my CD3 blood work on the same day- so that worked out. I'll pick up my clomid prescription on the same day as the bloodwork and then wait for CD5 to start taking it. CD10 through mature follies (whatever day that happens to be) we'll be in for AM ultrasounds and then probably an hCG trigger followed by IUI (if we choose it). Should be Fun?

That's all from here. I'll post again on Friday to let you know how bad AF is being to me. Hopefully she'll be nice :).

Miracles Can Happen

No I'm not pregnant...wish I was though

Rather the miracle is that I did actually ovulate this cycle according to my progesterone test. I wonder if we caught the eggie. Ray and I slacked off majorly in the sex department because I was sure this cycle was annovulatory. We did have sex though so maybe it's close enough. I am not banking on it.

The appointment with the RE went very well. If I hadn't ovulated I would be starting on provera today and in 7 days I'd have my period but because I did ovulate I have to wait it out-probably about 8 or 9 days from now- a couple of days doesn't make a difference in my book. Then I get to have the CD3 blood work done (again) and then clomid from CD5-9 which will be monitored (which I am so excited about). Then I think we are doing an hCG trigger plus IUI unless we opt not to. I think the first few cycles we'll try and do it au naturale and see how it goes. If I am ovulating on time I think that's most of this battle. If after a few cycles we see nothing we'll move to the IUI.

All in all good news. Ray has to have another SA done just to rule out baterial issues and we'll get him started on some vitamins and see if that makes a difference.

That's all from here. I'll be around posting again soon.

An Update, I guess

for the three of you that might still be reading.

The RE rescheduled my appointment for this Wednesday so I am just waiting on that to happen. I am nevous and excited. Maybe we'll get pregnant soon without so much stuff... I can hope right.

In the meantime I have no idea what is up with this cycle. I am tempted to stop temping because it's so freakin' confusing. I got a + OPK almost two weeks ago and I took another one the other day (it was 9 or 10DPO if I go by the first positive) because my temps are strange and I didn't think I had really ovulated when I got the first positive and this was positive too. What does that mean?? Probably that my body hates me.

Anyway, I am supposed to take an pregnancy test on Wednesday just because I want to let the RE know where I am in my cycle (where am I????) I am not expecting a result other than BFN but that's okay perhaps now we can figure out what's going on with me. If I haven't said it before PCOS sucks!

So, once again it's hurry up and wait for things to happen. I need to call up the insurance folks and find out exactly what our IF benefits are. Either that or I need Ray to look them up for me.

Two days left until I found out what the story is.

And So It Goes

I don't want to get too excited here because I've done this before but...my temp was up today. YIPPY! Two more high temps and perhaps I ovulated. Ok so it took me to CD20 to do it but...on the bright side we had some pretty awesome timing. So, I am (dare I say it) hopeful for this cycle.

But don't let me get too hopeful. I'll start dreaming and then be disappointed when AF shows up.

So for the next two weeks I am going to concentrate on some other stuff (like I started a new class for work) and try not to think about anything even remotely baby related. Yeah, okay let's see if I can do that.

All I can say right now is that I really hope my temps stay up and that I can confirm ovulation. That in and of itself would be a great victory (I'll have to remember that in two weeks when I am crying over my BFN).

16DPO

Yes folks I said 16 f***ing dpo today...tested BFN yesterday..

WTH?

I feel sick---I don't know if that's nerves or something else. Temps were still up today... is my chart wrong again? I really don't think it is.

This waiting completely sucks donkey butt---I have to wait until Sunday to test again. That would mark 18 high temps above the coverline and basically me being pregnant without having to test. But I NEED to see a line on a test or I'll never believe that I charted correctly or that I even ovulated.

This game totally stinks.

And...on the TMI wagon--my CM is creamy as all get out, I keep going to the bathroom thinking AF has shown up (which would be near impossible considering my temp went UP this morning)

I do not want to get my hopes up....no wait, I take that back. I will not get my hopes up for this cycle since it was so f-d up to begin with. Yeah, something is wrong and until a pregnancy test tells me otherwise...well that's what I am inclined to believe.

So---we wait until I get real hard proof one way or the other.

Que Eerie Music

Um yeah

No AF

No blood at all except after sex and that wasn't even enough to use anything with. I wiped, it was gone. Today, nothing.

I am 14DPO today. I should have gotten my period today. My temp went back up.

What the (pardon the expression) fuck is going on?

I feel cramps, mild. I have a headache, I've had it for about 4 days now-also mild. I feel dizzy from time to time--I've had vertigo before but this is different-ish. I feel full and bloated and right now, like I wanna puke. But I don't feel nauseous per se, just ugh. That could be just because I ate (but all I had was a small slice of french bread pizza and some fruit).

But I am pretty sure I'm getting a negative on any pg test I take. There must be something wrong with me then. And still a whole month until I get to see the OB/GYN. Who woulda thought I'd want to go to to a doctor??

Bleh.

Geez, I wish I had some answers. I refuse to test again until at least Friday. What's the point if I am going to see a stark white BFN again? I will assume either a) I didn't really O (totally possible) b) I have some type of luteal cyst which is extending my LP c) something is really really really wrong...

Right now, I am betting on c, because I am such an optimist.

Bleh

Stupid headache that won't go away.

Well I am 12DPO today...tomorrow I will test I suppose.

Pretty sure I am not pg but it's okay. More months for us to try and try again. Won't Ray be just thrilled to bits.

I do feel rather not like myself today...haven't been feeling like myself for about 3 or 4 days now. I am not sure if something is stiring up in the air or if I am making stuff up as I go...LOL

Tomorrow is the moment of truth I guess. After Ray you all will be the first to know (well you and my twin sister, I promised I would tell her before I told my mom).

Ok---now I am getting a bit nervous.

Wish me luck!

Staging a Rebellion?

I'm bleeding

Not like "oh a spot" and then it's gone. No I am bleeding--bright pinky/red blood. So much for my "I ovulated" theory. Looks like that's not happening.

Why, when I want to get pregnant does my body have to go and do this? I can't say that before I didn't care. I've always cared how f**ked up my body was/is but now it's even more frustrating and upsetting.

Maybe if I didn't chart I wouldn't have known how screwed up I am. Maybe if I didn't chart I wouldn't know all the weird and strange things about my body. Maybe if I didn't chart I wouldn't be so upset right now.

But the fact is I do chart, and I do know how screwed up, weird and strange my body is and the simple fact is that YES I AM UPSET about it.

This is only cycle 1 and already I am losing my "cool"- why can't I just get pregnant like a normal person? Why does my body want to hate me so much?

Talked with my mom this morning. She told me to stop worrying so much. Easy for her to say she had three kids, in a year (plus two weeks) she was 23 and 24 when she had us...I am nearing 30 and I feel my body rebelling daily.

So, today I am sulking, eating ice cream and praying that this "mini period" I have today is gone by tonight.

Oh well--I guess it's on to the next abnormal cycle.

1 DPO?

Well--I think I ovulated yesterday. *sigh* Geez I hope I did.

Sometimes all this fertility stuff can make you go batty. Did I O, didn't I? If I did, am I pregnant? Then if you do, you gotta wait 2 weeks to offically find out...

I am excited about this cycle because even if we don't end up pregnant...well if I ovulated when I think i did it would mimic my last cycle and it means that my body actually does work from time to time. Which is very awesome.

I still think my temp will nosedive tomorrow and that today's temp was a bit flukey but...a girl can dream for a moment that she's normal, can't she?

In the mean time all the "right" signs are there but I am still having a bit of spotting which worries me some. Maybe I'll make Ray find my cervix tonight. LOL.

I am so tired today for no good reason and the day seems to be taking forever and ever. I still have another hour + here and I am not sure I can keep myself awake that long.

Oh well---I'll try and find something NON-fertility related to entertain me.