Imma Hafta Disappoint

No, I didn't test, and no AF hasn't arrived but- let's just say I am not optimistic about the cycle. I am posting today to let you folks know that I probably won't test (if I even need to test) until Friday. I just didn't want anyone showing up here tomorrow expecting a post with a result. Chances are my result will be "AF is here" and we'll be On To Another Cycle. I will say this, if AF shows tomorrow (could be today as my temps were down pretty significantly this morning, though still above the "cover line") I will probably post.

I have mixed feelings about this cycle. On the one hand I am super thrilled that I ovulated on my own and that my temps stayed pretty constant and high for a full (hopefully if I don't get my period today) 13 days. I am concerned about the spotting though since it could indicate a different problem but, I am hoping that was just because of the BC. But of course I am disappointed that AF is around the corner and that this wasn't the cycle. Honestly though it would have been a miracle for us to get pregnant this cycle. And even though I told myself I wouldn't get my hopes up for having another January baby (seriously the due date would have been the same week as Clara's) I, of course, did because that's just how I am.

I'll leave the rest of my thoughts for either tomorrow or Friday.

Prepare for the Freak Out

I woke up this morning around 3:30am to pee. This is not unusual lately for me, I also needed to eat something or I knew I'd wake up at 6:30 needing to throw up, since that's how it goes for me. I finish my business in the bathroom and like always I check the TP. It's pinkish...I freak out.

I go back to bed, sorta. Ray wakes up and asks me if everything is okay and I started to cry. I told him about the spotting. He said "that's bad, right?" and i told him I didn't know. It's certainly not normal by any stretch of the imagination but it's not necessarily a bad thing. I thought maybe it was a one time thing. I woke up at 6:30 (normal time) feeling sick (because I hadn't gotten my late night snack because of the freak out I had) and peed again- no spotting but then there it was on my second wipe. It was more brown than pink, no blobs or globs (sorry about the TMI folks) and it was very little. I am not cramping, I feel okay (except for sore boobies and nipples and extreme tiredness). I called the doctor's office just to see if maybe they wanted me to come in.

The nurse was exceedingly nice and said "you are on progesterone suppositories which can sometimes irritate the cervix when taken for long periods of time. If it turns bright red or it's more than just spotting call us back immediately and we can have you come in for an u/s." My next u/s is Wednesday and up until this morning I was feeling really good about it. I was excited to see our little Clumpy again (even if it is going to be too early to see her little heartbeat) and I guess I still am excited but now I am back to being a bit more nervous and cautious about this whole thing.

I decided to take the day off today because if the cervix is irritated I don't want to be walking around, getting up and down and filing stuff away. I'd rather be on the couch watching Yentl and eating french toast. Ray had to go in to work today but said he was going to leave early to stay with me this afternoon. I wish he had stayed home the entire day, it would be better for me. But he has commitments for work which clearly outweigh his commitments to me (I'm not bitter about this at all, can you tell???) And maybe asking him to stay was irrational of me but damn it, I get to be irrational from time to time.

Now I am constantly on "spot-check" patrol and every time I feel anything "down there" I am in the bathroom with TP in hand checking it out. I am miserable.

I suppose I should just let things be the way they are going to be and not worry so much. I do wish the nurse had checked my last beta level to let me know what was going on. My guess is if she saw something in the chart that alarmed her when I called this morning she would have said something. Right?

Anyway, i am exactly 6w today- only 6 more to go before I freak out just a little less...

Where's the Surprise?

Not here.

The beta hCG was negative as predicted. When the nurse told me I said "okay, good" and she said "you wanted it to be negative" and I said "well now I can start my medication and get my HSG and find out what the problem is, and I knew it was going to be" I supposed I should have said "that sucks but okay, good."

I mean I started spotting two days ago so that means AF is on her way without the provera but I am taking it anyway because I would like to do the CD3-5 bloodwork this saturday and if I wait for it to start on my own I'd be at the mercy of my own body-which is not unlike how it normally is.

Things are okay in the baby making arena, at least for now since we've resolved that until Ray gets his next SA back and I have the results from my HSG we are in limbo-land.

My main concentration is not on our respective health issues but on our dear cat Roary's. She isn't doing so well and I am really sad about it. We are taking her to the vet on Saturday, I just hope she's okay until then. In the meantime I am going to try and spend as much quality time with her as I can, in case things go bad. Which, we hope they won't because I'd be a wreck without her.

Anyway, so it's a waiting game. I'll post an update on Thursday to tell you how Ray felt about the SA.

Another Day, Another Dr, Another Appointment

So, we are back to square 1 on this whole baby thing.

I got a recommendation for another Ob/Gyn which I will be seeing, along with all my medical records, on January 18. With any luck I'll get some answers.

In the meantime the weight loss continues. I am hoping I will be about 4 to 6 lbs less before I see her. Not sure how feesible that is but, you never can tell with weight loss. I am not going to push myself. Tonight, however, I am going to give my biggest loser workout dvd a try and see how I like it.

Regarding everything else. My period "ended" about a week ago but I am still spotting fairly regularly but at least I am not bleeding everywhere like I was for those three weeks. The bleeding started again when Ray and I had sex on Sunday, I was only bleeding very lightly before that--now the spotting is a bit more. I can't tell if my issue is cervical (nothing in my exams indicates that) uterine (it could be something there based on my u/s that the doc barely looked at or acknowledged) or homrmonal (could also be that). I wonder if I am going to have to insist that the test be run again if she can't give me a better understanding of why I was brushed off so callously with the "lose weight and everything will be okay" line by the other doctor.

OTAC-again, CD6 and Counting

On Wednesday right before my Dr's appointment I realized that AF had decided to make her appearance. Awesome! I was miserable because I thought I would have to cancel the appointment that I already waited 3 weeks to get to begin with. When I called the receptionist she told me to come in anyway because I was a new patient and because it was CD1 and not very heavy. I am glad I went.

But it was funny because at first I thought, this is just "heavy spotting" again nothing to worry about it will be gone by the end of the day...but it really is AF. Can I tell you how excited I am? I know it's a strange thing to be excited about having AF but for me this means that I get to start a new cycle, hopefully with better results than my last cycle (55 days, totally annovulatory fit with a ton of spotting and stress). I just hope that we get a chance to time our sex this time around.

If it works out to be correct and I O anywhere between CD11-24 I will be in Australia with Ray...normally that would be cool, you know TTC on vacation and all. But we are staying with friends nearly the entire trip so...I am not sure humping in someone's guest bed is the best way to make an impression. But I don't want to lose out on what could be one of only a handful of ovulatory cycles this year...so we have to find a way to do this.

Brisbane will be the hardest since the folks we are staying with are retired and probably will not leave us in the house alone (can't say I blame them, they hardly know us), that will only leave sex at night. However, my friends in Melbs know me very well and have every intention of leaving us on our own in their houses. So the second half of the week should be easy to get sex in. Plus if Ray goes more than 3 days without, well you know, getting it out of his system. He becomes bitchy and nasty with me (he's like a diabetic with low blood sugar)--so I have every incentive to make sure that doesn't happen.

Also from Saturday night until Monday morning we'll be on a plane so I won't be able to temp or check CM. Saturday morning will be the last time I can check on US time. I'll have to skip Sunday and Monday and just start again on Tuesday on Oz time since we'll miss Sunday all together being on the plane and Monday we'll be in at 7:35am Oz time but I will not have had a restful enough sleep to temp I don't think.

My pelvic u/s is scheduled for Wednesday at 6pm. I don't think I'll have any results before I leave to got Australia so update about my fertility will have to wait until I return from Oz.

Lots of things to think about and to work on. I do hope I stop bleeding soon though and that the spotting doesn't return.