Back on track

So--everything is normal. I mean fairly normal. Temps are normal and I feel decent. Had a bit of a spotting scare yesterday but it went away no sign of its return. I am happy.

I wrote to my doctor to request my most recent tests and medical records. I want to request a second opinion on the tests she ran. I realize that she ran them a week after I started my last AF- which lasted nearly 3 weeks. I don't think she took that into account when she read the results of the blood-work, in particular. Also if my endometrial lining was "very thick" as she put it when they did my ultrasound, than how could she see if there was, say, a small fibroid hiding amongst the lining? Well, she wouldn't, would she?

So anyway, I think I do need a second opinion and perhaps even another round of blood-work and ultrasound. But we'll let another doctor decide that. In the meantime I'll just hope this cycle is somewhat normal. Also I have to figure out which doctor do I want to go to. The hospital where Ray works has a great OB/GYN department and so i am thinking of making an appointment with one of those OB/GYNs and seeing if I can get someone to actually talk to me instead of saying "oh you are fine. Blood work is fine. Ultrasound fine. Keep trying naturally and make an appointment for 6 months from now" which is what i am getting from this doctor.

BUT...on the off chance that me being overweight is what is causing this--I have decided that WW is good for me. I am enjoying being back on points and tracking again and Ray has even joined me in the endeavor. I am not quite ready to get back the bike though, maybe a short ride on Sunday, we'll see.

I did some research on my symptoms (heavy bleeding, spotting, tiredness, anovulation, long cycles etc) and I came across Cushing's Disease. Is anyone familiar with this at all. I'd be interested to know what it is and how to "cure" it.

Well, that's it for me. Have a wonderful weekend!

Ok, so an update

I stopped temp'ing the two weeks we were away in Oz. Mainly because it was a pain partly because I still had AF up until about 5 days before we left. Not to mention there was absolutely nothing going on in the baby-making department during our travels. Much to Ray's vocal dissatisfaction.

We are back on track though and I think I am gearing up to ovulate in the next few days. Time to take out the OPKs again and start POAS. No worries about not getting pg this cycle. I realize with the travel it's unlikely and I can go back to more obsessive behaviors next month.

In the mean time I spoke with the doctor today---she told me all my tests are perfectly normal. Isn't that just wonderful? :/ Not sure how I feel about it to be honest. If there was something wrong at least we could start something but now I have to wait yet another 6-8 months before we'll consider anything else besides that I am fat.

Speaking of which I joined WW again today. I am excited. My first weigh in is tomorrow (not looking forward to it considering the damage I inflicted during our trip but what the hey). I am trying to get Ray to join also but I am pretty sure he's not going to. No matter I will go to meetings and start to get myself together. My goal is about 30lbs in 6 months which i think is perfectly normal, then I can go back to the Dr and she might not see me as a fat lazy oaf. I might even be able to lose more if I can get myself into biking again.

Well that's it from here. Back to trying and trying. Maybe we'll get lucky this time around.
Well that's all.

OTAC-again, CD6 and Counting

On Wednesday right before my Dr's appointment I realized that AF had decided to make her appearance. Awesome! I was miserable because I thought I would have to cancel the appointment that I already waited 3 weeks to get to begin with. When I called the receptionist she told me to come in anyway because I was a new patient and because it was CD1 and not very heavy. I am glad I went.

But it was funny because at first I thought, this is just "heavy spotting" again nothing to worry about it will be gone by the end of the day...but it really is AF. Can I tell you how excited I am? I know it's a strange thing to be excited about having AF but for me this means that I get to start a new cycle, hopefully with better results than my last cycle (55 days, totally annovulatory fit with a ton of spotting and stress). I just hope that we get a chance to time our sex this time around.

If it works out to be correct and I O anywhere between CD11-24 I will be in Australia with Ray...normally that would be cool, you know TTC on vacation and all. But we are staying with friends nearly the entire trip so...I am not sure humping in someone's guest bed is the best way to make an impression. But I don't want to lose out on what could be one of only a handful of ovulatory cycles this year...so we have to find a way to do this.

Brisbane will be the hardest since the folks we are staying with are retired and probably will not leave us in the house alone (can't say I blame them, they hardly know us), that will only leave sex at night. However, my friends in Melbs know me very well and have every intention of leaving us on our own in their houses. So the second half of the week should be easy to get sex in. Plus if Ray goes more than 3 days without, well you know, getting it out of his system. He becomes bitchy and nasty with me (he's like a diabetic with low blood sugar)--so I have every incentive to make sure that doesn't happen.

Also from Saturday night until Monday morning we'll be on a plane so I won't be able to temp or check CM. Saturday morning will be the last time I can check on US time. I'll have to skip Sunday and Monday and just start again on Tuesday on Oz time since we'll miss Sunday all together being on the plane and Monday we'll be in at 7:35am Oz time but I will not have had a restful enough sleep to temp I don't think.

My pelvic u/s is scheduled for Wednesday at 6pm. I don't think I'll have any results before I leave to got Australia so update about my fertility will have to wait until I return from Oz.

Lots of things to think about and to work on. I do hope I stop bleeding soon though and that the spotting doesn't return.

The Doctor's Appointment

Hi!

So, today was the day. The day I saw the new ob/gyn. Questions loomed large:

1. Will I like her? (She's okay, but she's young and pregnant and I am not sure how I feel about that right now, I'd say if I was keeping score for her, that would be a -1. My other ob/gyn was clearly closer to menopause than child-bearing and it made me feel safer I guess. She was definitely more "motherly" than the new doctor. But overall she seems nice enough. But with some of the crap that's been happening lately I am not sure how I feel about a Doc who will possibly have two or three children before I can even conceive one, kwim?)

2. Will she take my cycle concerns and charts seriously? (A bit. The nurse more so than the doctor herself. She told me that the spotting was most likely caused because I am too fat. That isn't really news and this is an issue I've been struggling with. We talked about that and she suggested that we run a few tests to rule out anything hormonal and she also wrote a 'scipt for a pelvic ultrasound. This is a lot more than I thought I would get out of one visit so +1 for that I guess.)

3. Is there anything immediately wrong with me that she could tell right away? (she said everything "looks fine" and she couldn't feel any masses or lumps but that a pap and an ultrasound will rule out anything she couldn't see or feel herself. She was quick and pleasant and talked to me a bunch. So I guess that another +1)

Overall the experience was a positive one. I don't like doctors, I especially don't like ob/gyns mainly because I hate the idea of someone, you know, looking at me there. But mainly I don't like ob/gyns because sometimes I think they aren't as concerned with the patient's whole health as say most other doctors (well not surgeons, they are probably the worst to deal with). She did say that I would have to wait at least another 6 months before she would consider more evasive tests and that she wanted to see if weight loss really helped me. I asked, of course, about what if I couldn't lose weight at all in the next 6 months would that put the kabash on the whole thing. She told me that there is only so much she can do for me, if I was continuing to have issues and I couldn't lose weight she would happily refer me to an RE to help with both that and the whole TTC thing (again that's a +).

She did ask me if I knew how often ovulated in the last 6 cycles and I told her that according to my charts it was only once. She said she thought that after 6 more cycles of charting if I still wasn't ovulating that we may need to "jump start" my cycle and then help me ovulate (so it looks like if nothing else there will be provera or prometrium and clomid in my future).

After this ultrasound she'll call me with the results and I suppose at that point I'll see if she wants me to schedule another appointment with her for 6 months from now. So it's still all a waiting game and unless something drastically changes in the next few weeks or 6 months, we are on a "timed" intercourse schedule with me continuing to chart.

So...that's where we are.

2 More Days

The ever fated Dr's Appointment is only two days away. It's weird how I feel about this appointment. In one way or another I am glad to be going in another way, I am scared to death.

I can't say that things are going well. This cycle, like the last, is all messed up. The spotting has not stopped it gets better, than worse, then better again. I am afraid to have sex with Ray because I don't want to bleed and yet---obviously the whole having sex thing is important (yeah this is a ttc blog after all).

I've stepped away from the ovusoft forums for a little while. I just feel like I am not fitting in right now with them and I got some pretty harsh critism from some of the girls. Which I guess, I deserved but still. Being as upset and depressed as I am I suppose I felt I deserved some slack but here it is...

Apparently if you haven't been trying for at least 6 months or longer no one feels bad for you if you have serious medical issues (like I do right now) to them it's "nothing" not "long enough" and "insensitive" to other people to go on about how you just feel like giving up because nothing is going right. Apparently, I am supposed to put on a brave face and "get over it" because there are other people who have been seriously diagnosed as infertile an that's where all my sympathies should be. Sorry but I am a selfish cow. I feel bad for all of you but really...I am sick of being sick so pardon me if my sympathy is for myself and not for you!

I am not usually this nasty about stuff. I do feel bad for the hopelessly infertile- for those who have suffered multiple m/cs and chemical pregnancies. But I think in some ways I feel worse for those girls who have never even had a single + test, who don't ovulate, who have even less of a chance. I feel bad for women who have had body parts removed making the chance of getting pregnant even less remote.

So while I feel for these women I also know that it could be my fate too and so...if I say things like I've given up hope for my own BFP it only mimics the helplessness I feel in my heart. And people can go on and claim sensitivity to those who have had mulitple m/cs and issues but then I ask where is the sensitivity to my situation?

Bleh

Yup...

Just bleh.

I'm trying, really I am.

Yup, still bleeding

I think I am 1DPO today even though it means I would have ovulated on CD10 but with the weirdness of my cycle maybe it isn't really CD10 anyway...only time will tell what it really really is.

Our timing for sex wasn't great, if the ovulation date is yeterday it would have been 2 days before...but truthfully that's okay. I am only half into this month since the spotting will NOT STOP. It goes between a light period (1 or 2 half full tampons) to spotting, no need for anything at all but still a little pinkish. So explain that one. What is what?

Anyway, I'll be shocked if anything comes of it this cycle.

12 more days until I see the ob/gyn. Let's hope the news isn't too bad.