Cycle1, CD3 already?

We stopped the BC early. I just figured enough was enough; I didn’t need to take it that last week anyway. Ray was on board for stopping the 5 days early and so now we are officially, official.

I started temping again and honestly it’s difficult to get back into the swing of things. It’s kind of hard to remember to do it right when my eyes pop open but I am remembering to do it, so that’s good. Obviously being only 3 days into this cycle nada is happening but at least the cycle has started so, there is hope for now.

This past Sunday was Easter. We attended Mass at our parish (sometimes we go to churches closer to us on typical Sundays- church where we are not technically parishioners- we kept our standing at the church where we were married and where Clara was baptized and where, hopefully, another baby will be baptized). Easter Sunday is always crazy at that church because it’s really a beautiful old Gothic style church with lots of windows and I think people feel at home in the church because it isn’t a big cathedral like a lot of the other ones in the area, anyway, I digress. So we decided to go to 8:30am Mass figuring it might be a little less crowded and that Clara would be awake but not in full on toddler mode yet. Well it was crowded but we found a seat (amazingly because we got there 5 minutes before Mass started) in the back (where we would sit anyway). Clara was okay during the Mass (as good as a 2 year old can be given that it’s an hour of quiet time basically) and she was making smiley faces and waving to two old ladies in the back-row. When she acted up (like getting loud or whiney) Ray would take her back to the narthex and deal with her. I felt like, given the circumstances, she was pretty good.

Mass ends, we skip Communion (like usual) because Ray isn’t a confirmed Catholic and well, I am just a bad one so we don’t go up. We leave as soon as Communion starts so we can get out of the parking lot a little faster than most, hoping to avoid the crowds. As we are walking towards to parking lot though the little old lady who Clara was making cute faces at stops me and says “You know, I hate to say it but what she really needs is a sibling.” Gah!

First off, REALLY? She NEEDS a sibling? No, what she needs are two loving parents who have the means and resources necessary to take care of her. Which we are, and we do.

Second, REALLY? Why do people feel the need to make these inane comments? They have no idea what our situation is or why we’ve chosen (or not chosen) to have more children. Utterly ridiculous!

I was polite though and said “yeah, it’s not for lack of trying”- the woman was probably out of earshot though. Ray asked me what happened and I told him. I also told him that I couldn’t really be mad at little old church ladies who don’t have a clue (or want to have a clue) about our situation. He said that regardless people should mind their own business. A truer statement was never spoken.

I guess it does anger me though. I am not sure why once Clara reached a certain age people have felt the need to get involved in what’s going on in my uterus (or for that matter, what is NOT going on in there). I realize that people are only curious and from close friends (and even family to some degree) I don’t mind answering because most of them know our situation and none of them brings it up to me so flippantly. But acquaintances and co-workers, people I hardly know are all the time asking when we’ll have the next one. Well folks, if it were up to me it would be today, this month we’d get pregnant but, you know what? It isn’t up to me. It’s up to what my body is doing (not doing) and up to medication wearing off or working and all other kinds of things of which I have zero, zip, nada control over. I wish people would be a little, tiny bit, more respectful of people’s personal issues. I feel like when it comes to my ute everyone gets to have their say. /end rant

And things with Clara aren’t getting all that much better. I swear she’s going to drive me to drink. I mean I love her but I cannot stand the massive temper tantrums she’s throwing lately. Like today, for example, she was all fine sitting and watching Curious George until it ended and she wanted to watch another episode. There was no time for that so Ray picked her up and she started to cry hysterically. She fought getting into the car, then she took her shoes off and threw them while in the car nearly hitting me in the face, finally when we got out of the car and she was still hysterically crying I carried her in (normally she walks) to school with my hands underneath her armpits so she couldn’t kick me.

Even after we got into her classroom, trying to calm her down with her usual things (Elmo, yogurt, mommy’s iTouch etc) she refused to calm down. I told the teacher that I wanted to stay but I had to go. I am going to call over there a little later to see how long it took before she was okay again. According to the teachers she rarely goes that nutso while at school, it’s only at home that I have no ability to calm her. That makes me feel wonderful. :( Ray says he thinks peer pressure to calm down quickly is why she doesn’t spend 20-30 minutes tantruming it out on the floor.

I know this is just her being a typical two year old and that eventually she’ll grow out of it. But it still feels horrible the endless screaming and crying over nothing. I am hoping by the time we have the next one she’ll be better.