They Joy of the (mostly) Anonymous Internets

Since I would really love to shout it out from the roof tops that I am, in fact, pregnant and that it happened without medical intervention but cannot, I will have to bask in the glory of this pregnancy with my mostly anonymous internet friends. At least for the next 8 or so weeks.

I had a beta done Friday and repeat today, both with the RE. They agreed to monitor me until we see a heartbeat. Once that happens I'll have them transfer my records to my Ob's office and I'll call to schedule an appointment with her.

Now, I cannot tell you the numbers for either of the test since I didn't ask and I don't care. According to both tests things are looking (and I quote) "great"- we are scheduled for an ultrasound on July 11 (right after we get back from vacation). I am surprisingly more relaxed about this pregnancy than I was for my pregnancy with Clara. I just remember being completed freaked out before the first u/s with her. I think I am trying to be more zen about the whole thing. Probably a better approach all around.

On top of all of that wonderful, wonderful news I also got a third interview with this company I've been interviewing with. I decided to go for it after a long (and helpful talk) with a dear friend of mine who finally had to convince me that hard-work does not necessarily equal stress and that I am sort of wasting away at my current position (all true things to be sure). Friday I meet with the marketers. This should be- well- interesting. I just hope I can charm them as well as I have charmed and made in-roads with all our marketers here. I honestly hope I get the job though I do worry how well I will be accomodated regarding this pregnancy. I guess we'll cross that bridge if we have to.

You know the month started out rather poorly (being robbed and all) but if someone asked me whether June ended up being a good month or a bad one. I'd have to say June turned out to be my favorite month this year!

Well, well, well...

I just wanted to quickly update all of you regarding the job situation.

I did in fact have a face to face with some of the folks for the company I applied with. I was required to meet with three folks from the department (the hiring manager, her manager and then a peer of the hiring manager). They are a very decentralized office so I expected that there would a bunch of folks to meet. I have to say for the job they want the new compliance person to do they aren't offering nearly enough money to do it. They basically want a person to come in do the marketing compliance from the ground up, IMHO they have almost nothing in place. It seems that they have never have a real, true marketing compliance person in the position before anywhere in the company (and we are talking an international company with a BIG presence and big market share in what the do) so this really shocked me. I would basically be putting together the process and procedures for the department and putting together definitions for the marketers to use in order to comply with the regulations that govern their business. It's a really big job for the money they are offering and, honestly, I am not that interested in building a marketing compliance department for them. In a situation like that they are better off hiring someone within their company who has more understanding of the business and market strategies than I do. I am supposed to know on Friday whether I got yet another interview round. That's the other thing, I realize that they want to heavily vet whatever candidate they choose but I don't have all the time in the world for these interviews, I still have a job that I like and need to be good at because there is a relatively good chance I'll be staying there despite its many flaws.

On to something else. I am 11DPO (12 if you are reading this on Thursday) and true to my word I refuse to test until Sunday (which would be CD1 if I have a 14 day LP, which I don't it's usually around 13 days). So far my temps have been pretty good, funny actually the charting software I use (not Fertility Friend) gave me a triphasic message today. I told Ray and he was like "is that a good sign" and I said "I don't take it to mean anything but the software says it could mean I am pregnant" he said "oh, really?" yeah really but I don't think so many women get triphasic patterns when they aren't pregnant too. We'll have to see what my temp is tomorrow. They usually start to downward slope on 12DPO and I usually start spotting on 11 or 12DPO also and I suspect that the B6 has at least kept me from spotting at 11DPO (yippy). I told Ray he shouldn't get too excited there is a good chance he'll have to repeat his SA and I'll have to do the CD3 bloodwork (which if I am not pregnant would fall on our appointment day, fingers crossed). Anyway, if by some chance I am pregnant I'll be sure to update on Sunday. I suppose I would call the RE's office and let them know and see if they still wanted me to come in anyway. We'll cross that bridge if we come to it.

That's it really. Nothing more exciting going on at this point.

The closer we are the further we are

I just wanted to give a little update on the few items from last week.

The interview went exceedingly well. I was told they want to see me face to face next Tuesday at 2pm. I was told by the recruiter that someone would get in touch with me this week about it but I have yet to hear anything and so that is worrying me. But to be relatively honest I am fairly happy with my current position so not getting this job is not the end of the world. I could stay here for as long as they want me here. My only reason for applying for the position was that it was with a really great company but other than that the job is basically the same as what I am doing with maybe a little more specificity and challenge. The big draw would be, of course, the pay and benefits and the option to earn a S.eries 7. At this point it’s “wait and see” if they get in touch with me before the end of the week. I imagine if they don’t I’ll have to email the recruiter. I did manage to get my thank you letter sent out yesterday so with any luck that will be enough of a reminder to get in touch.

Regarding the robbery; Ray spoke with the detective on Monday morning. The Balto Co Police think they found my iBook. Apparently they arrested some girl in the area with items linked to another robbery that took place about 4 streets down from us. With those items they found an Apple iBook which matched the description of my iBook. Ray had just located the paperwork/serial information for my iBook so they are looking into it. Additionally, he gave the detective information regarding his xbox (since he had an xbox live account the folks at Microsoft were able to track it). We still need to fill out paperwork but we managed to purchase a new TV last Wednesday (not sure if I mentioned that in the last post).

Clara, sigh, Clara. I swear she's trying to drive me to drink. The past week she has refused to go to bed on time. Finally, last night I took to doing her night time routine a full hour before we normally do it in case she gave me a hard time at least she'd be closer to bed time then the last week. Well that was major fails-ville. She still didn't go to bed until 9:15 and then she wanted me to sit with her. I've had it. I went in there and told her that she was a big girl and she didn't need mommy to sit with her that Daddy and I were both in the living room and would be there if anything happened. When I left she screamed again so I went back in there and told her to give me her pacifier and her monkey and that I was turning off the light and she could sit in the dark (again mean, I know) but it worked (for a change) and she went to sleep. Gah. Then this morning after a mere 8 hours of sleep (so not enough for a toddler) she woke up and screamed for an hour for us to put in Nemo or George or Cars. NOT HAPPENING because, as I have mentioned previously 10 minutes is never enough, heck three hours is never enough-nothing is ever enough basically. So we cut it off completely. I had to fight her getting dressed and she started to go bonkers about that. After I let her fit it out for another 10 minutes (while I got dressed) I finally said "would you like to wear something else?" and she nodded and I said "mommy is happy to help you pick out something else but you must stop crying, can you do that?" she nodded yes. She did stop, she picked out her clothing. I got her dressed, hell I even did her hair and she was fine all the way in the car up to daycare (she nearly fell asleep so I imagine she'll be tired for nap time today). She was also good when I left school (unlike the two previous days when she was screaming bloody murder). We'll see how the sleeping goes tonight. I might have to change the routine a little to get her to go to bed on time. Parenting can be so tiresome.

And lastly about TTC; it looks like according to both my ovusoft chart and FF I ovulated 4 days ago. But my temps are lower than I would expect them to be (around 98-98.2). However, I re-read some of my old blogs from when I got my BFP with Clara and apparently 98-98.3 or so was the range for post-o on that cycle so maybe I did O. It’s a good sign anyway, two ovulatory cycles in a row and O on the same day of the cycle. If I didn’t know any better I’d say the PCOS is under control. HOWEVER, despite the optimism in this paragraph I have made an appointment for us to see the RE on June 27. I would rather go in and say “I just got a BFP, check my shit out” then wait until the end of this cycle with a BFN and not be able to do any testing until the beginning of the next cycle (which wouldn’t be entirely true they could do the SA at least just not the HSG or cd3 b/w). It’s actually pretty perfect the timing of this appointment. I will be CD3 on the day we go in (you know providing I didn’t get pregnant), so we might be able to start right then and there with at least the CD3 b/w, HSG (if she wants to re-do-please no) and SA. Not sure if she’ll put me back on the met/clomid again before the HSG results (if I have to do the HSG at all). I personally would rather skip the met because of the horrendous side effects, I am finding the cinnamon to be a nicer, gentler alternative and I wonder if she’ll just let me continue that instead of jumping right into meds. Also, considering the fact that I am ovulating on my own (watch next cycle will be annovulatory again) I wonder how that will change how she treats us. I think a lot of this will depend on Ray’s SA, my CD3 b/w. I am predicting that this coming up cycle will be all the testing, no monitoring and that the cycle in July is when we’ll actually be doing treatments. More in a couple of weeks, for now we wait.

Moving on

I decided to take Ann's advice and not beat myself up (thanks Ann, for always being a good friend to me). I think part of my problem is just being hopeful. I am not an optimist by nature. I like to say I am pragmatic but Ray says no, I am a true pessimist. I think pessimist is extreme but, it might be more accurate. If there is something between pragmatism and pessimism that would be my life philosophy. We'll call it chrissyism.

After my emotional breakdown on Wednesday (my cycle actually fully started on Thursday for those of you keeping track of my chart) Ray and I had a nice long chat. I figure I can keep going if I know at some point we'll get help and it won't be in 6 or 7 months, that it will be sooner rather than later. He told me he wants to stick it out "see what happens" not "rush" to force my body with meds etc. I honestly think he wants to avoid doing another SA, which is eye-rolling to say the least. I know his last experience with the SAs were terrible but I told him that we'd be with the RE from the start and so the conditions in which he'd have to do his business wouldn't be like they were the first time around. I also told him that there would be a chance he wouldn't have to do it again.

After much discussion he asked me why I was so desperate to go back. I told him that I really think that this cycle was a fluke and that future cycles waiting for ovulation are a waste of time. He thinks that because I've lost more weight and that the cinnamon tea is helping he doesn't want to just give up. All that stuff is helping, of course, but how consistently remains to be seen. I still have PCOS that's the shit that won't change, so I can drink 10 cups of tea a day, and lose 25 more lbs and it might not make any more difference now than it did. This cycle isn't indicative of anything, IMHO.

He said he still wanted to see how this cycle went and then I could call. I asked him if that meant I had to wait until i started bleeding again because that could be 40 or 50 days from now, if I don't ovulate. I told him I wasn't willing to wait that long and that if he didn't want to be a willing partner with me that we could just stop the whole thing right now. He said he wasn't trying to force an all or nothing just that he didn't want to run back there if my body was in fact working. I said I am not waiting for the next cycle to start because I don't know if that will be in 30 days or 60 days- producing nothing but agony as I go through the cycle. Then he asked me at what point would I know the cycle was a 'bust' so i told him honestly within 20 days. He basically agreed to compromise after that and said that if nothing is happening within 20 days I could call and set up our appointment.

So as it stands now, I am charting this cycle for the next 20 days to see what, if anything, happens. Let's just say I am not holding my breath for a repeat. But in case it does happen I'll consider it a good thing (obviously). To be clear I still wouldn't think that me O'ing two cycles in a row would be indicative of anything and it certainly wouldn't prove him right (because it just wouldn't). If nothing happens (as I suspect nothing will), I'll make the call the morning of the 20th day and set up the appointment. In the meanwhile, I am back to once a week update here on the blog.

Thanks for all the Thoughts and Prayers and support and comfort- it means a lot.

Once a week

So I promised myself that I would keep up with this blog once a week. So here is your weekly installment of me. I hope you don’t mind.

I wish I could say things were going on right now. They aren’t. I am a week away from finishing these ridiculous birth control pills. I have a few things I need to do to prepare myself for ttc again.

I need to go to the dentist. I have several cavities that I would like to have fixed/filled before I get pregnant. At the very least I need to have the x-rays done. I would prefer to be sedated if possible during the process (get them all done at once maybe?) and I don’t think I can be pregnant for that. So I need to make that appointment (which, yeah, not happy about it).

I also need to make a half-hearted attempt at finding some of our old baby-gear. We need the infant insert for our car seat. Ray told me he has no idea where it is and I am not sure we can get a replacement. If another baby is as tiny as Clara was at birth we will definitely have use of it.

On a totally separate note 4 of the moms who had babies in Clara’s Infant I class (basically Clara’s age, maybe a little older) either have new babies now or are pregnant now. Also two of Ray’s cousins are pregnant too. I told Ray it was a good thing we decided to have another one or I’d be going a little batty right now. I have to admit though it’s hard to wait, especially since we don’t know what my body is going to do.

In case I didn’t mention what the plan is (did I mention it, I probably did); we are going to go try on our own for the next three/four months. Then in September I will meet with the Ob/Gyn again and get her thoughts. My guess is if I am not pregnant she’ll recommend I go back to the RE. I’ll have her send my records over there and I’ll call for an appointment. Then it’s probably back to testing for both of us. Ray already told me he isn’t looking forward to doing the semen analysis again. I told him we would do it at Shady Grove again like we did the second one the last time. I doubt his count/motility/morphology got any better from three years ago though. It won’t matter since most of the infertility stuff really falls on me. We just need “one good one” for him.

As for our already existing miracle well she seems to be doing quite well. She’s still waking up in the middle of the night for no reason. I am not sure if she’s having nightmares that wake her or what. Usually Ray goes down and calms her down and usually that works. It’s still a battle at least once a week to get her dressed in the morning. She threw a massive fit yesterday for example but the rest of this week she’s been fine. I got to spend a little extra time with her this morning in her daycare room because Ray accidentally forgot her daycare bag (lunch, snack etc) at home. So we spent an extra 40 minutes hanging out waiting for Ray to come back to the school with it.

She’s a funny and cute little thing though. She wanted to spend her morning showing off in the classroom for me followed by sitting next to me and hugging me. She was NOT HAPPY when I left but I tried to tell her that I was there until Daddy brought her bag back but that didn’t compute. Shana (her teacher) said that she was sure she would be fine once she was sitting down to eat her yogurt. It does make me wish I could spend more time doing fun stuff with her.

Anyway, this weekend is Easter and I still have not gotten Clara’s Easter basket together (bad mommy). So tonight Ray and I are off to Target to pick stuff up for her (and coffee too since we seem to be out all of a sudden, I don’t drink caffeine much now since I knew I’d have to give it up when I got pregnant so I didn’t know we were getting low).

That’s all from around here. Hope everyone has a blessed Easter.

Long Awaited-Perhaps?

So I really meant to post this whole thing yesterday but as usual I made dinner and fell asleep when I got home. I was lucky I made it to 9pm. The way I've been feeling lately I'm lucky I make it through work.

The u/s went fantastic (I promise a pic as soon as I figure out how to get it here so that you all can see it). Our Clumpy is measuring right on target (6.5mm which makes us 6w4d +/- 2d) with a nice strong heartbeat! We were sooooo happy to see that.

I have officially been released from the RE's care back to my Ob/Gyn whom I need to call. I am just giving the REs office a few days to transfer my medical records back to my Ob's office. I'll call Monday to set up my appointment.

So things are looking great for me, Ray and Clumpy (maybe Thumpy-eh Mel?) and every day I fall more in love with our little bean. Of course I am suffering from m/s and I am tired nearly all the time but I don't think anything in the world could make me happier than being sick for our little one. :)

that's about it. As soon as I get the pic together I'll be sure and post it up.

Prepare for the Freak Out

I woke up this morning around 3:30am to pee. This is not unusual lately for me, I also needed to eat something or I knew I'd wake up at 6:30 needing to throw up, since that's how it goes for me. I finish my business in the bathroom and like always I check the TP. It's pinkish...I freak out.

I go back to bed, sorta. Ray wakes up and asks me if everything is okay and I started to cry. I told him about the spotting. He said "that's bad, right?" and i told him I didn't know. It's certainly not normal by any stretch of the imagination but it's not necessarily a bad thing. I thought maybe it was a one time thing. I woke up at 6:30 (normal time) feeling sick (because I hadn't gotten my late night snack because of the freak out I had) and peed again- no spotting but then there it was on my second wipe. It was more brown than pink, no blobs or globs (sorry about the TMI folks) and it was very little. I am not cramping, I feel okay (except for sore boobies and nipples and extreme tiredness). I called the doctor's office just to see if maybe they wanted me to come in.

The nurse was exceedingly nice and said "you are on progesterone suppositories which can sometimes irritate the cervix when taken for long periods of time. If it turns bright red or it's more than just spotting call us back immediately and we can have you come in for an u/s." My next u/s is Wednesday and up until this morning I was feeling really good about it. I was excited to see our little Clumpy again (even if it is going to be too early to see her little heartbeat) and I guess I still am excited but now I am back to being a bit more nervous and cautious about this whole thing.

I decided to take the day off today because if the cervix is irritated I don't want to be walking around, getting up and down and filing stuff away. I'd rather be on the couch watching Yentl and eating french toast. Ray had to go in to work today but said he was going to leave early to stay with me this afternoon. I wish he had stayed home the entire day, it would be better for me. But he has commitments for work which clearly outweigh his commitments to me (I'm not bitter about this at all, can you tell???) And maybe asking him to stay was irrational of me but damn it, I get to be irrational from time to time.

Now I am constantly on "spot-check" patrol and every time I feel anything "down there" I am in the bathroom with TP in hand checking it out. I am miserable.

I suppose I should just let things be the way they are going to be and not worry so much. I do wish the nurse had checked my last beta level to let me know what was going on. My guess is if she saw something in the chart that alarmed her when I called this morning she would have said something. Right?

Anyway, i am exactly 6w today- only 6 more to go before I freak out just a little less...

Spontaneous Ovulation

So to let everyone know what happened at my appointment. I was supposed to go in for a PCT, u/s and a trigger shot on Sunday at 10:30am. The nurse on Friday told us to have sex in the early morning or late Saturday night. Ray and I went to see Prince Caspian on Saturday and got back later than I thought and just fell right asleep, after spending the previous few days on the house we were both beat. So we decided to have sex on Sunday morning about 2/ 2.5 hours before the appointment. I figured that was okay.

At the appointment, the RE does the PCT and then goes to do the u/s and tells me "well it looks like you ovulated yesterday (Saturday) so no need for the trigger" I was like "oh no" and she said that she thought that the timing was good but I think because she thought we had sex on Friday night, not on Saturday morning. We also had sex on Thursday night so we are sorta covered, I guess. The timing is not wonderful but it's not terrible either. Needless to say I wish we had gotten in another time between Thursday and Sunday early morning. I am just stunned though how did my follie go from 17mm to 22mm in 2 days?I just knew this was going to happen.

Normally I would be thrilled about it but considering that we didn't have sex on Saturday night I think we missed our timing again . I am supposed to go for a progesterone test on Friday. She said the level needs to be 15 or better...at least I don't have to keep taking HPTs to see if the trigger is out right??I have to say though overall I am disappointed. The whole point of the monitored cycle was so that we didn't mess up the timing and we did it anyway because my body wants to do what it wants, like before only now it's doing the right thing just at the wrong time. FIGURES! So I guess I am in the 2ww although I am expecting nothing but a visit from deary AF at the end of it.

We'll see what the progesterone levels yield. I'll make my decision to take an HPT on that.

*Does A Happy Dance*

So apparently I am just a slow responder for the clomid. My follicle check went much better today. That little immature 10mm follicle grew to a nice 17mm one! I have one more u/s on Sunday (along with a PCT) and we'll also trigger!

I am excited and nervous. I hope it works, I really do. I know we have some sperm issues so that concerns me but, I have a lot of hope and faith right now. I am feeling positive. I will remain that way until AF shows up but I am not thinking she will.

This will probably be the hardest 2WW of my life. Because I know we are going to time everything really really well and that's a good thing. Because all the other times I had no idea what was going on. Now I have proof and control of what's going on. It's a little scary. But you know what would be totally awesome? Getting pregnant and having the house all done.

Life is getting pretty exciting!

So tell me again why I was hopeful?

The second follicle check did not go well. The one and only follicle that had good size to it stopped growing. RE said we'll do another U/S on Friday but that after that we won't. I'll get to go another two weeks unmonitored and if I don't start my period by then it's on to yet another round of provera. I think I still have my other prescription some place.

Words cannot describe the immense disappointment I feel. Ray was in the room with me this time. I don't think he knew what was going on because he didn't say anything to me after. He was ticked because I lost his keys-nice reaction. Here I am miserable and all he can do is be pissy about his keys, which are in the house we just didn't have time to look for them.

The RE said that it's possible the 50mg dose of clomid is too low and that I need a higher dose. That's fine the clomid 'script is a lot less expensive than the ovidrel. So if this cycle doesn't work out for triggering at least I won't have to get another ovidrel shot.

I am reading a lot about PCOS and clomid though and what a lot of REs do is supplement the clomid with an injectable every other day in order to stimulate the ovaries. I'd hate to tell an RE how to do her job but I am wondering if she is ignoring my PCOS and just treating me as if I have unexplained infertility. I don't know. I am just so miserable today...

I guess I'll keep my hope up by hoping that they will grow more in the next three days! *sigh*

Check, Check 1 2 3

So I had the follie check on Saturday. It was okay. I expected to see my RE but I got another Dr from the practice- a guy. Never had a guy lookin' down there before. No biggy, just unexpected.

RE said that I have several potential follies (YIPPY)on the right side, and a couple on the left, the biggest being 10mm-small but growing. It needs to be at least 18-20mm before they'll let me get my shot. I am supposed to go again tomorrow morning to see if it's grown. I am hoping it will be a little overachiver and have grown to at least 16mm- I suspect I'll be lucky if it reach 14mm or that it's grown at all.

I have no idea of 10mm is good after three days being off clomid or if that's on the small side. I would think it's okay and that as long as it keeps growing I should trigger on Thursday or Friday which means I'll probably ovulate on CD19 which is much better than I was doing on my own. I do wish I had a few 12mm ones in there on Saturday but I'll take the 10mm and keep praying it grows up good and strong! Hey it could be our potential kid I am cultivating in there! :)

All in all my mood has been good, hopeful even. With everything else going on I'm amazed about how calm I am about this whole thing right now.

Yesterday we went to lunch with my mom, brother and his girlfriend. It was nice. We went back to my mom's apartment for a little bit and my brother's girlfriend was asking me how I knew that there were issues. I told her the whole story, then she asked how long we'd been trying and I told her about a year. I think she was kind of shocked to here that. I think my brother was too honestly. But most people don't go off and tell other people they are TTC (like what is it any of their business anyways) so the only time people know they are is when there are problems and it interrupts plans that you have. I suppose I could have been more secretive about the whole thing but the way I figure it is that if people keep thinking good thoughts about us and about us getting pg then maybe all that good thinking and praying and hoping will work more than if it were just me and Ray hoping, and thinking and praying. I don't know.

Anyway, good thoughts for a nice big follie tomorrow!

CD3 Blood Work, Prescriptions and Shots

Oh now the fun REALLY begins.

I got my prescription for Clomid today as well as for Ovidrel. I called up our prescription benefits folks to find out how much for the Ovidrel and she said she didn't know, they had to run all kinds of information before they could give me a price. Okay fine. I asked if it was better if I took the 'script to the pharmacy and she said that it needs to be ordered over the phone. Good thing I called then.

I just hope I hear back from them today because I need it in 9 days to trigger. All my plans got messed up for next weekend because of when good old AF showed up. Couldn't she have been just ONE DAY earlier?? I am supposed to be in NY next weekend for my Grandmother's 80th birthday but now if my body cooperates (oh Lord please let it cooperate) we'll trigger on Saturday and do a post-coital test on Sunday. I don't see the need for the post-coital- I may have some CF issues but I don't think a post-coital will tell them anything. Perhaps I can talk with the Doc about skipping that so that we can actually go to NY on Saturday and see my grandmother and then spend Mother's day with my mom. If this cycle doesn't work out with me getting pregnant there is always next cycle for the post-coital.

My mom was really sweet though. She said "well if you come in on Saturday night where are you staying" and I said "yeah well that's the other reason we kinda didn't want to come up" and she said "oh, right because you'll want to be alone" and I said "that would be nice" and she said "well I can book you a nice hotel room near the airport, you and Ray can be alone all night on Saturday and on Sunday morning" and I was like "you are cute, but that works for us." I feel kinda weird that my whole family (and his too) know our sex habits now. They know when AF is in town- they know everything! I am so whatever about it though because I've been poked, proded and stuck so many times it's hard to keep a secret from people. Even from my mom, dad and sister who live far away. But it is odd, everyone knowing when Ray and I are having sex. LOL

So now we wait until Saturday so I can start the clomid. I can't say I am really looking forward to it as I heard the side effects are pretty nasty. I would like to find a way to increase my CF since I hear that's one of the big side effects of taking it. I'll talk to the girls on my IF forum.

We wait for the fun to begin. Pray I get some nice follies and that our insurance will cover (and be able to send on time) the Ovidrel shot!

I think we all know how this ends

I started spotting...

cramps and spotting- AF will be here tomorrow.

Needless to say Ray had to get me to stop crying. And while i knew this was the way it was going to end I am still so hurt.

I guess we have to just suck it up and move on to the stupid IF treatments, that I REALLY REALLY didn't want to have to do. Blood tests and medication and all kinds of stuff that takes the enjoyment and fun out of TTC.

Ray is so supportive, he's convinced that we'll get pregnant this month once I start taking the clomid and they can tell me exactly when I'll ovulate. But even with all that I just don't think I'll ever get pregnant. I just don't think my body wants to. maybe I don't want to. I don't know.

I am going to do my best to pull it together tonight so I can go to work and be okay tomorrow. We have so much stuff to do right now that I can't let this affect me the way it is.

Thanks for the support though and all the good luck and wishes. I'll be back once we get this cycle started on clomid and I have something to blog about.

Well Okay then

Who's been waiting for an update??

So, I wish I could say that interesting things are happening. Truth is, nothing is happening. I am 12DPO today. Tomorrow should be the last day of my typical LP (that's Luteal Phase, Mel) and I should have dear old AF on Friday.

I am 99.99% sure that AF will show on Friday because I've been experiencing acne, chocolate cravings and terrible headaches. All 100% sure signs of impending AF. I am okay with it. I just want to move onto our medicated IUI cycles already. I want to stop playing this "did we time it right" game and I want to be sure that a doctor is monitoring what we are doing. As odd as that seems. At least I know I'll actually have a chance if a doctor is doing SOMETHING for us.

In the meantime we wait for my period to come. Ray's next SA is Monday the 28th and there is a good chance I'll have my CD3 blood work on the same day- so that worked out. I'll pick up my clomid prescription on the same day as the bloodwork and then wait for CD5 to start taking it. CD10 through mature follies (whatever day that happens to be) we'll be in for AM ultrasounds and then probably an hCG trigger followed by IUI (if we choose it). Should be Fun?

That's all from here. I'll post again on Friday to let you know how bad AF is being to me. Hopefully she'll be nice :).

Miracles Can Happen

No I'm not pregnant...wish I was though

Rather the miracle is that I did actually ovulate this cycle according to my progesterone test. I wonder if we caught the eggie. Ray and I slacked off majorly in the sex department because I was sure this cycle was annovulatory. We did have sex though so maybe it's close enough. I am not banking on it.

The appointment with the RE went very well. If I hadn't ovulated I would be starting on provera today and in 7 days I'd have my period but because I did ovulate I have to wait it out-probably about 8 or 9 days from now- a couple of days doesn't make a difference in my book. Then I get to have the CD3 blood work done (again) and then clomid from CD5-9 which will be monitored (which I am so excited about). Then I think we are doing an hCG trigger plus IUI unless we opt not to. I think the first few cycles we'll try and do it au naturale and see how it goes. If I am ovulating on time I think that's most of this battle. If after a few cycles we see nothing we'll move to the IUI.

All in all good news. Ray has to have another SA done just to rule out baterial issues and we'll get him started on some vitamins and see if that makes a difference.

That's all from here. I'll be around posting again soon.

An Update, I guess

for the three of you that might still be reading.

The RE rescheduled my appointment for this Wednesday so I am just waiting on that to happen. I am nevous and excited. Maybe we'll get pregnant soon without so much stuff... I can hope right.

In the meantime I have no idea what is up with this cycle. I am tempted to stop temping because it's so freakin' confusing. I got a + OPK almost two weeks ago and I took another one the other day (it was 9 or 10DPO if I go by the first positive) because my temps are strange and I didn't think I had really ovulated when I got the first positive and this was positive too. What does that mean?? Probably that my body hates me.

Anyway, I am supposed to take an pregnancy test on Wednesday just because I want to let the RE know where I am in my cycle (where am I????) I am not expecting a result other than BFN but that's okay perhaps now we can figure out what's going on with me. If I haven't said it before PCOS sucks!

So, once again it's hurry up and wait for things to happen. I need to call up the insurance folks and find out exactly what our IF benefits are. Either that or I need Ray to look them up for me.

Two days left until I found out what the story is.

Hi Ho Hi Ho It's off to the RE we go

:/

I was hoping to avoid this but it seems we are set on a path of fertility meds and doctor's appointments over the course of at least the next few months if not much longer.

I spoke with my Ob/Gyn today and it seems all my levels are normal. It still doesn't explain my lines on the OPKs though (not positive just there). I told her about that she said to keep testing I just might ovulate late (uh huh) but that if dear old Auntie Flo doesn't visit by April 12 that I should stop by the office for a lab slip for yet another hCG, prescription for provera and some clomid. She said she didn't think that femera was a good idea and hasn't had much luck with it. So, okay- here we go.

As for the RE- my appointment is April 9th at 9am at a Fertility clinic right around the corner from our apartment (funny, right? I can walk there). I am nervous and anxious about it but also really happy that I am going. I love my Ob/Gyn but I know there is only so much she can do, especially with the sperm issues we have also.

I told Ray to make sure that he gets his results from the Uro tomorrow so he can bring them with him on April 9. I told him that he also has to be there since it's an US issue and not just a ME issue. He said not a problem. So once again it's wait wait wait until the appointment and see what the RE suggests.

I'll let everyone know what Ray's tests say as soon as we have the results.