Prepare for the Freak Out

I woke up this morning around 3:30am to pee. This is not unusual lately for me, I also needed to eat something or I knew I'd wake up at 6:30 needing to throw up, since that's how it goes for me. I finish my business in the bathroom and like always I check the TP. It's pinkish...I freak out.

I go back to bed, sorta. Ray wakes up and asks me if everything is okay and I started to cry. I told him about the spotting. He said "that's bad, right?" and i told him I didn't know. It's certainly not normal by any stretch of the imagination but it's not necessarily a bad thing. I thought maybe it was a one time thing. I woke up at 6:30 (normal time) feeling sick (because I hadn't gotten my late night snack because of the freak out I had) and peed again- no spotting but then there it was on my second wipe. It was more brown than pink, no blobs or globs (sorry about the TMI folks) and it was very little. I am not cramping, I feel okay (except for sore boobies and nipples and extreme tiredness). I called the doctor's office just to see if maybe they wanted me to come in.

The nurse was exceedingly nice and said "you are on progesterone suppositories which can sometimes irritate the cervix when taken for long periods of time. If it turns bright red or it's more than just spotting call us back immediately and we can have you come in for an u/s." My next u/s is Wednesday and up until this morning I was feeling really good about it. I was excited to see our little Clumpy again (even if it is going to be too early to see her little heartbeat) and I guess I still am excited but now I am back to being a bit more nervous and cautious about this whole thing.

I decided to take the day off today because if the cervix is irritated I don't want to be walking around, getting up and down and filing stuff away. I'd rather be on the couch watching Yentl and eating french toast. Ray had to go in to work today but said he was going to leave early to stay with me this afternoon. I wish he had stayed home the entire day, it would be better for me. But he has commitments for work which clearly outweigh his commitments to me (I'm not bitter about this at all, can you tell???) And maybe asking him to stay was irrational of me but damn it, I get to be irrational from time to time.

Now I am constantly on "spot-check" patrol and every time I feel anything "down there" I am in the bathroom with TP in hand checking it out. I am miserable.

I suppose I should just let things be the way they are going to be and not worry so much. I do wish the nurse had checked my last beta level to let me know what was going on. My guess is if she saw something in the chart that alarmed her when I called this morning she would have said something. Right?

Anyway, i am exactly 6w today- only 6 more to go before I freak out just a little less...