T minus 13 Days

I have 13 more little pink pills left in my pill pack to take. I have to be honest I am a little nervous about stopping. Not because I am afraid of getting pregnant (which, if it happens just by coming off pill, would be a minor miracle) but because these pills have actually given me my life back in a lot of ways.

When Ray and I first got together I wasn’t taking anything at all. We used barrier methods because (and I can’t believe I am going to admit this in public) I didn’t want to go to the gyn. I had this major fear of being- well looked at. Plus I really dislike(d) doctors (oh the irony-clearly over that now). Anyway, my sister-in-law practically forced me into the doctor’s office about three months before my wedding. The gyn she was seeing (who retired before we wanted to have a baby) was extremely nice and I felt comfortable with her so the exam was fine. At the time my cycles were pretty regular for me (about 40 days or so) and I hadn’t given HBC much thought but she suggested that if we were serious about waiting that I should consider a pill. At the time I was not organized enough to remember one daily and so I asked about the patch. She told me because of my weight (I was around 180 at the time) that I would be better off with N.uvaring. I was on that for two years before we decided to have a baby.

But in those two years I had horrendous cycles and I was miserably depressed. I had also gained a lot of weight (about 40lbs) though I don’t that that was the pills I think that was just me.

You all know the story after I got off n.uvaring (no cycles, dx PCOS, a year of problems, and finally a visit to a specialist) but after I finished breastfeeding Clara the gyn had recommended I get a M.irena IUD. I knew my insurance wasn’t going to pay for either the device or insertion of the device, not to mention I wasn’t keen on the idea anyway. Ray and I weren’t 100% sure what we wanted to do regarding having more children and I didn’t want to make a special appointment to get the thing taken out. I wanted to just be able to stop taking pills or whatever. The doctor recommended Y.AZ instead.

I have to say I experienced little to no side effects with this pill. To the contrary it cleared up my face, I never lost my sex drive, I lost weight (wow), and my cycles were so much more manageable (hello 3 day period, I love you). Now, after being on this pill for the last 18 months or so I feel like I don’t know what will happen when I stop taking it. Will my cycles be screwy? Will the acne (ugh) come back? Will I be a raging beotch? I am scared and nervous about it. I mean I know it’s necessary so there is nothing I can do about it. But still my life is manageable with the pills and so naturally going off them is a little bit like walking a high wire.

I guess we’ll know in about a month or so how this will all play out. I am just hoping that with additional weight loss and the pills having done what they’ve done for the last 18 months that maybe, just maybe, it won’t be as bad as I think it might be

Ahhh yes...

So I've determined that this whole bed rest thing might not be too terrible. I haven't quite been feeling that great and I certainly can't sleep. Poor Ray.

I do feel like I should get back to work though. I wish I could work from home but the way my job is structured I just cannot. It sorta sucks.

Today I have to speak with our Employee Service Center to get my leave taken care of. My doc indicated that she thought if my pressure was okay I could go back to work. But I will only do that if I can go back full time and not have any complications. If she only lets me back part time it wouldn't be worth it. Plus I'd have to make the 5 work day elimination period AGAIN and I am not sure I want to do that. The only advantage is that I could, possibly do the 5 day elimination period unpaid without too much consequence for our budget. Really, it's not a big deal if they keep me out for the rest of the month- just I would have had more time as a p/t employee after my 6 weeks of paid STD leave was up under the FMLA rules. Now I have to sorta re-arrange it.

Overall though, I am doing okay. I finished the baby's blanket (finally) and we got the baby's name up in the room, which means NO ONE is allowed in there now. It looks so freakin' cute. We still need to put the shelves up above the changing table but because our house was built in '41 we don't have drywall in there but plaster walls and it's been really really tough locating the studs with the stud finder. So we are trying a different approach (one I am not too happy about btw). But at least it will allow Ray to find the studs and hang the shelves this week.

Once the shelves are up, we have two more things for the wall and then the room is officially finished. Ray can then move the glider up to our bedroom and I can move our mini-rocking chair in there. After the baby decides to sleep through the night we'll move the glider back into the nursery.

I am so happy with the way it turned out. Once the baby is here I'll post pictures.

So, things are okay. I just wish I could sleep. I was up at 3:30AM today and I have an early morning NST today too. I just hope my pressure is looking okay. My guess is that everything will be fine. As usual.

I have a doctor's appointment Tuesday and then another NST on Thursday. Lots of fun!

CD3 Blood Work, Prescriptions and Shots

Oh now the fun REALLY begins.

I got my prescription for Clomid today as well as for Ovidrel. I called up our prescription benefits folks to find out how much for the Ovidrel and she said she didn't know, they had to run all kinds of information before they could give me a price. Okay fine. I asked if it was better if I took the 'script to the pharmacy and she said that it needs to be ordered over the phone. Good thing I called then.

I just hope I hear back from them today because I need it in 9 days to trigger. All my plans got messed up for next weekend because of when good old AF showed up. Couldn't she have been just ONE DAY earlier?? I am supposed to be in NY next weekend for my Grandmother's 80th birthday but now if my body cooperates (oh Lord please let it cooperate) we'll trigger on Saturday and do a post-coital test on Sunday. I don't see the need for the post-coital- I may have some CF issues but I don't think a post-coital will tell them anything. Perhaps I can talk with the Doc about skipping that so that we can actually go to NY on Saturday and see my grandmother and then spend Mother's day with my mom. If this cycle doesn't work out with me getting pregnant there is always next cycle for the post-coital.

My mom was really sweet though. She said "well if you come in on Saturday night where are you staying" and I said "yeah well that's the other reason we kinda didn't want to come up" and she said "oh, right because you'll want to be alone" and I said "that would be nice" and she said "well I can book you a nice hotel room near the airport, you and Ray can be alone all night on Saturday and on Sunday morning" and I was like "you are cute, but that works for us." I feel kinda weird that my whole family (and his too) know our sex habits now. They know when AF is in town- they know everything! I am so whatever about it though because I've been poked, proded and stuck so many times it's hard to keep a secret from people. Even from my mom, dad and sister who live far away. But it is odd, everyone knowing when Ray and I are having sex. LOL

So now we wait until Saturday so I can start the clomid. I can't say I am really looking forward to it as I heard the side effects are pretty nasty. I would like to find a way to increase my CF since I hear that's one of the big side effects of taking it. I'll talk to the girls on my IF forum.

We wait for the fun to begin. Pray I get some nice follies and that our insurance will cover (and be able to send on time) the Ovidrel shot!

Hi Ho Hi Ho It's off to the RE we go

:/

I was hoping to avoid this but it seems we are set on a path of fertility meds and doctor's appointments over the course of at least the next few months if not much longer.

I spoke with my Ob/Gyn today and it seems all my levels are normal. It still doesn't explain my lines on the OPKs though (not positive just there). I told her about that she said to keep testing I just might ovulate late (uh huh) but that if dear old Auntie Flo doesn't visit by April 12 that I should stop by the office for a lab slip for yet another hCG, prescription for provera and some clomid. She said she didn't think that femera was a good idea and hasn't had much luck with it. So, okay- here we go.

As for the RE- my appointment is April 9th at 9am at a Fertility clinic right around the corner from our apartment (funny, right? I can walk there). I am nervous and anxious about it but also really happy that I am going. I love my Ob/Gyn but I know there is only so much she can do, especially with the sperm issues we have also.

I told Ray to make sure that he gets his results from the Uro tomorrow so he can bring them with him on April 9. I told him that he also has to be there since it's an US issue and not just a ME issue. He said not a problem. So once again it's wait wait wait until the appointment and see what the RE suggests.

I'll let everyone know what Ray's tests say as soon as we have the results.

HSG & Me

So I had my HSG today. So crampy and uncomfortable but not painful. Just a little strange.

Thank goodness for a decent tech though. After the radiologist left the room she said "I think it looks good" so that made me feel better. The doc will have the official results tomorrow. If she doesn't call I will call her by the end of the week.

Ray is still waiting to see the Doc about his second SA. Hopefully those results are okay and we'll get the go-ahead to start clomid or a referral to an RE.

I am still taking the metformin and folic acid. I started back on the minocycline even though I shouldn't be on it. I started it again because I had a cyst flare up under my arm. It's so painful and I don't see the Derm until next friday. I will ask him to change my meds to something more pg friendly as minocycline is definitely NOT.

The weight loss is still going well. I've lost over 47 lbs now and pretty soon I'll be at 50 and Mel and I are celebrating with a day off from work and afternoon tea. I am super excited about it.

That's it. Will let all of you (anyone still reading that is) know what the doc says about the HSG and the SA. One more thing I finally got a line on an OPK. It isn't positive yet but I think it might be soon. I am so happy that my body might actually work.

Vampire Chris

Yup I had my CD3 blood draw today. AF is kicking butt and taking names. I do NOT like her right now.

Mean time I was up at the ass crack of dawn so that I could be at work on time/early and wouldn't you know it we got there at 6:45am and there was already a line. I didn't get out of the office until 7:30am and I still wanted to stop at Starbucks and needed to hit CVS for some "feminine hygiene" products (lucky me, right?) Oh well I was here on time and I think Ray was at work on time too.

Next Tuesday is my HSG. Ray will have to come with me unfortunately. I was hoping my mother would still be here so she could take me but...she's leaving Friday and not coming back until the 25th. Then I get to spend that whole day resting at home. I am going to be so damn bored and worried about this work audit. I am really hoping AF will be gone before next Tuesday.

I also get to start OPKs this cycle. Dr suggested I start on CD 10 (I have no idea why I am pretty sure if I ovulate it won't be until CD 18/19/20 or later) but we just do what the dr says. In the mean time Ray's next Uro appt isn't until the end of the month so---hopefulyl there will be good news there. He could call for results this week if he wanted to but he can wait.

So the HSG means no sex0ring for the Parrishes until after the 18th (poor Ray). But we have so much going on he may not notice.

Anyway this cycle brings some hope (like I am hoping that my HSG is okay).

Where's the Surprise?

Not here.

The beta hCG was negative as predicted. When the nurse told me I said "okay, good" and she said "you wanted it to be negative" and I said "well now I can start my medication and get my HSG and find out what the problem is, and I knew it was going to be" I supposed I should have said "that sucks but okay, good."

I mean I started spotting two days ago so that means AF is on her way without the provera but I am taking it anyway because I would like to do the CD3-5 bloodwork this saturday and if I wait for it to start on my own I'd be at the mercy of my own body-which is not unlike how it normally is.

Things are okay in the baby making arena, at least for now since we've resolved that until Ray gets his next SA back and I have the results from my HSG we are in limbo-land.

My main concentration is not on our respective health issues but on our dear cat Roary's. She isn't doing so well and I am really sad about it. We are taking her to the vet on Saturday, I just hope she's okay until then. In the meantime I am going to try and spend as much quality time with her as I can, in case things go bad. Which, we hope they won't because I'd be a wreck without her.

Anyway, so it's a waiting game. I'll post an update on Thursday to tell you how Ray felt about the SA.

To Add Insult to Injury

As if being diagnosed with PCOS wasn't enough now we have MFI (that's male factor infertility) to deal with.

Ray's SA results were very not good. Low count, bad morphology, bad motility (although they were moving in the right direction so that's good). My Ob/Gyn said to get him to a urologist ASAP-so we did. His appointment is on Thursday (of this week). We are praying it was just a bad sample-he was rushed, wasn't feeling well-SOMETHING. Because seriously I can't handle this. And I know it's making him feel terrible. It was bad when we were just dealing with my problems-now we have to deal with his stuff too. Do you think God believes we'll make crappy parents and that's why?

I know he'll be honest with the Doctor but I am afraid he won't be as candid as he could be. This is a sensitive topic for him. I mean I guess I understand no guy wants to be told he can't knock up his wife. I mean that's a blow to a guy's ego like nothing else.

It just figures you know. My test results were good. The doctor told me that fasting blood sugar, free testosterone, LH/FSH levels have normalized but that I should continue on the Metformin and up it to 500 mg 3 times per day (from two times per day). She also said she was happy to hear that my last period was "normal" (i.e. I bled for 6 days not 21) and that I wasn't spotting any more and that even though my blood work is normal she'll still label my condition as PCOS (because she still believes I have that). She told me that I need to come in for a beta hCG on Monday if I don't get my period to rule out a pregnancy, that's if I don't start my period before that (I won't and I won't be pregnant either). When the test comes back BFN I am to start provera to induce my period, then make an appoint to have CD3-5 blood work done and call to schedule my HSG. I am also supposed to start OPKs starting on CD10. Then after she gets my HSG and blood work back I am to come in for the results.

In the meantime Ray will be meeting the urologist and hopefully doing a repeat SA to see if the results are really as bad as they were. If they are I am sure he'll be in for a lot more tests himself. If not then we can talk about the schedule for BD'ing.

So we have a plan and we talked again. We decided definitely no IVF unless it's a "we have no choice" type thing. I am opposed to it morally and financially even though MD will pay for it so I hope we have choices in dealing with this stuff.

It's been a difficult few days and we are trying to find ways to make everything okay. But it's hard.

Side Effects SUCK

Ok, so normally I don't complain about side effects because I figure I'll be fine and get over it but...

The side effects of the Metformin suck. It seems that every time I eat I end up not feeling so great. I've been more tired, just fuzzy-headed really ever since I started taking it. Not to mention it's panache for causing "GI upset" while at work. So...I've changed the schedule of taking them in the morning and evening to taking it in the afternoon and evening. I mean it's only 500mg 2x daily but still...it's wreaking havoc on my insides.

Besides that the minocycline that I am on for my skin issues is also known to cause "GI upset" so I am two for three on the prescription meds for that. W00T! :/

In cycle news I am back to charting (you know just to see what the hell is going on, am I ovulating, am I not) so today is CD6 and so far so good. I am still bleeding but not bad (and as I type this I am sure to have to rush off to the bathroom because nothing is ever that simple for me). I hope (finger crossed) that I won't be bringing feminine products to Disney with us this weekend. It's bad enough I may be in the bathroom every 25 minutes with the GI distress from the medications.

With 38lbs lost and several more to go (like 40 or so) I am at least hoping the Metformin will help me lose a bit of weight. Obviously Ray and I are not waiting (haha) for me to get down to my WW goal weight before trying to get pregnant. If it happens this month (ha wouldn't that be funny?) that would be great, if not I'll keep working on the weight and my health with the doctor.

The Doctor Visit

So, remember 6 months ago when I told you about the Ob/Gyn I saw? Remember how i said I was a bit miffed at how she dismissed me and mistreated me? Remember me saying I was going to see another Dr?

Yeah I did that. And you know what, I am so HAPPY I did. This doctor is AMAZING. She listened to me, she actually CARED about what I was saying and in the 30 minutes we chatted she didn't not once mention me being overweight. NOT ONCE!

In fact I mentioned it ans she said being overweight and my symptoms are are PCOS (poly-cystic ovaries) which is not good news but it's not terrible either. So...she looked at my blood work (she looked at it can you imagine) and my u/s and said "I am sure that the doctor you saw prior told you that all your bloodwork, symptoms and results show that you have poly-cystic ovaries is that correct" I said "no she just told me I was overweight and that all my symptoms could be cured by losing 40lbs, so I lost 30 and nothing has changed" she said "that doesn't surprise me that nothing has really changed since weight is probably not the cause but another symptom"

Holy Cow! Finally someone who said something that makes some freakin' sense to me. And while having PCOS isn't the best she told me that there are many treatments which can help and will help someone like me. Her first thing was to basically repeat all my bloodwork, including a fasting glucose test. She wrote me a 'script for Metformin which she said should help with insulin resistance and get me to ovulate on my own. If that doesn't help we'll move on the Metformin and Clomid and then eventually and HSG but for now start with the Metformin and see her in 4 weeks.

She also gave Ray a 'script for a semen analysis- when I gave him the paper he looked at me like "OMG" and I said "yeah I'll explain that" now we just have to find a lab that does that sorta thing.


But at least I have a diagnosis and some hope again. I am not walking around wondering what the heck is wrong with me. I happy to know that she is going to work with me and help me. I finally feel like we might be able to do this. It is going to take time, maybe a lot of time but I know it will happen for us. I have more hope now that I did 6 months ago.

And just to include this little tid bit, AF showed up today. Fingers crossed that once I start on the Metformin I'll ovulate on my own.

Back on track

So--everything is normal. I mean fairly normal. Temps are normal and I feel decent. Had a bit of a spotting scare yesterday but it went away no sign of its return. I am happy.

I wrote to my doctor to request my most recent tests and medical records. I want to request a second opinion on the tests she ran. I realize that she ran them a week after I started my last AF- which lasted nearly 3 weeks. I don't think she took that into account when she read the results of the blood-work, in particular. Also if my endometrial lining was "very thick" as she put it when they did my ultrasound, than how could she see if there was, say, a small fibroid hiding amongst the lining? Well, she wouldn't, would she?

So anyway, I think I do need a second opinion and perhaps even another round of blood-work and ultrasound. But we'll let another doctor decide that. In the meantime I'll just hope this cycle is somewhat normal. Also I have to figure out which doctor do I want to go to. The hospital where Ray works has a great OB/GYN department and so i am thinking of making an appointment with one of those OB/GYNs and seeing if I can get someone to actually talk to me instead of saying "oh you are fine. Blood work is fine. Ultrasound fine. Keep trying naturally and make an appointment for 6 months from now" which is what i am getting from this doctor.

BUT...on the off chance that me being overweight is what is causing this--I have decided that WW is good for me. I am enjoying being back on points and tracking again and Ray has even joined me in the endeavor. I am not quite ready to get back the bike though, maybe a short ride on Sunday, we'll see.

I did some research on my symptoms (heavy bleeding, spotting, tiredness, anovulation, long cycles etc) and I came across Cushing's Disease. Is anyone familiar with this at all. I'd be interested to know what it is and how to "cure" it.

Well, that's it for me. Have a wonderful weekend!

The Doctor's Appointment

Hi!

So, today was the day. The day I saw the new ob/gyn. Questions loomed large:

1. Will I like her? (She's okay, but she's young and pregnant and I am not sure how I feel about that right now, I'd say if I was keeping score for her, that would be a -1. My other ob/gyn was clearly closer to menopause than child-bearing and it made me feel safer I guess. She was definitely more "motherly" than the new doctor. But overall she seems nice enough. But with some of the crap that's been happening lately I am not sure how I feel about a Doc who will possibly have two or three children before I can even conceive one, kwim?)

2. Will she take my cycle concerns and charts seriously? (A bit. The nurse more so than the doctor herself. She told me that the spotting was most likely caused because I am too fat. That isn't really news and this is an issue I've been struggling with. We talked about that and she suggested that we run a few tests to rule out anything hormonal and she also wrote a 'scipt for a pelvic ultrasound. This is a lot more than I thought I would get out of one visit so +1 for that I guess.)

3. Is there anything immediately wrong with me that she could tell right away? (she said everything "looks fine" and she couldn't feel any masses or lumps but that a pap and an ultrasound will rule out anything she couldn't see or feel herself. She was quick and pleasant and talked to me a bunch. So I guess that another +1)

Overall the experience was a positive one. I don't like doctors, I especially don't like ob/gyns mainly because I hate the idea of someone, you know, looking at me there. But mainly I don't like ob/gyns because sometimes I think they aren't as concerned with the patient's whole health as say most other doctors (well not surgeons, they are probably the worst to deal with). She did say that I would have to wait at least another 6 months before she would consider more evasive tests and that she wanted to see if weight loss really helped me. I asked, of course, about what if I couldn't lose weight at all in the next 6 months would that put the kabash on the whole thing. She told me that there is only so much she can do for me, if I was continuing to have issues and I couldn't lose weight she would happily refer me to an RE to help with both that and the whole TTC thing (again that's a +).

She did ask me if I knew how often ovulated in the last 6 cycles and I told her that according to my charts it was only once. She said she thought that after 6 more cycles of charting if I still wasn't ovulating that we may need to "jump start" my cycle and then help me ovulate (so it looks like if nothing else there will be provera or prometrium and clomid in my future).

After this ultrasound she'll call me with the results and I suppose at that point I'll see if she wants me to schedule another appointment with her for 6 months from now. So it's still all a waiting game and unless something drastically changes in the next few weeks or 6 months, we are on a "timed" intercourse schedule with me continuing to chart.

So...that's where we are.

Now What

Ok so the weekend could have gone better. I certainly did not need to hear that yet another person in my life is pregnant but...it certainly could be worse.

I am not sure what is going on with this cycle. Today's temp was the lowest my temp has ever been. I wonder if there really is something wrong with me that the blood tests are picking up.

Ray and I had a very busy weekend with guests from all over showing up... we gave our guests our bedroom so there was no hanky panky going on while we were shacking up on the air mattress. Last night though was a totally different story :D

I am not sure if I'll ovulate this cycle. If it turns out I don't I really need to make an appointment with the ob/gyn to see what is going on. Because if three of the last 4 cycles charting are annovulatory than there is something very wrong with me that needs to be addressed. I have a feeling clomid is in my future!

On the bright side the abscesses seem to be getting better. I just have to make sure I keep taking care of myself.