Thursday, April 14, 2011

T minus 13 Days

I have 13 more little pink pills left in my pill pack to take. I have to be honest I am a little nervous about stopping. Not because I am afraid of getting pregnant (which, if it happens just by coming off pill, would be a minor miracle) but because these pills have actually given me my life back in a lot of ways.

When Ray and I first got together I wasn’t taking anything at all. We used barrier methods because (and I can’t believe I am going to admit this in public) I didn’t want to go to the gyn. I had this major fear of being- well looked at. Plus I really dislike(d) doctors (oh the irony-clearly over that now). Anyway, my sister-in-law practically forced me into the doctor’s office about three months before my wedding. The gyn she was seeing (who retired before we wanted to have a baby) was extremely nice and I felt comfortable with her so the exam was fine. At the time my cycles were pretty regular for me (about 40 days or so) and I hadn’t given HBC much thought but she suggested that if we were serious about waiting that I should consider a pill. At the time I was not organized enough to remember one daily and so I asked about the patch. She told me because of my weight (I was around 180 at the time) that I would be better off with N.uvaring. I was on that for two years before we decided to have a baby.

But in those two years I had horrendous cycles and I was miserably depressed. I had also gained a lot of weight (about 40lbs) though I don’t that that was the pills I think that was just me.

You all know the story after I got off n.uvaring (no cycles, dx PCOS, a year of problems, and finally a visit to a specialist) but after I finished breastfeeding Clara the gyn had recommended I get a M.irena IUD. I knew my insurance wasn’t going to pay for either the device or insertion of the device, not to mention I wasn’t keen on the idea anyway. Ray and I weren’t 100% sure what we wanted to do regarding having more children and I didn’t want to make a special appointment to get the thing taken out. I wanted to just be able to stop taking pills or whatever. The doctor recommended Y.AZ instead.

I have to say I experienced little to no side effects with this pill. To the contrary it cleared up my face, I never lost my sex drive, I lost weight (wow), and my cycles were so much more manageable (hello 3 day period, I love you). Now, after being on this pill for the last 18 months or so I feel like I don’t know what will happen when I stop taking it. Will my cycles be screwy? Will the acne (ugh) come back? Will I be a raging beotch? I am scared and nervous about it. I mean I know it’s necessary so there is nothing I can do about it. But still my life is manageable with the pills and so naturally going off them is a little bit like walking a high wire.

I guess we’ll know in about a month or so how this will all play out. I am just hoping that with additional weight loss and the pills having done what they’ve done for the last 18 months that maybe, just maybe, it won’t be as bad as I think it might be


Trish J said...

I hope your body adjusts - but try not to worry too much, because the stress will make you break out, too. I've noticed since having Cam that my skin has gone all crazy-wild. I think it's having babies and nursing forever. So, don't count on anything happening, because whatever you think will happen ... won't. Nothing's the same post-baby, post-nursing, post-pill.

Ann M. said...

I think even if your hormones go all wonky after you go off the pill, it'll right itself after a cycle or so. Your body just has to regulate itself. I think you have a different attitude and mindset now--there's a reason you're getting off the pill--and you'll be fine.