OTAC (On To Another Cycle)

Temps dropped...big time today.

I feel AF coming, I think. I dunno. All that bleeding for the last two weeks and now, watch, she won't show. But I feel crampy and my face is broken out so...she's definitely on her way.

There is sadness. I tested yesterday, not sure why. Last night when I got home. I got the urge to POAS. Stupid me. Sure way to bring on the old girl. I learned my lesson- no testing until I am officially late. I never thought it would bother me that much to see the stark whiteness of the pg test...but it did.

Now I get to go to baby shower next Saturday---I get to spend the weekend with my in-laws talking about Ray's sister Jess and her pregnancy. I feel like crawling in a hole and dying about now.

We should have started this process months ago but Ray was too scared and I guess I was too. Now I feel like who knows what's going to happen. I can keep praying that I ovulate on time to give us more chances at getting pg.

I have to be patient, how could I really expect to get pg the first time out of the gate? I guess in a lot of ways I really did expect that. How foolish of me.

Anyway---I am just gonna sit and wait for AF to show today...try and spend time with Ray tonight- we haven't had many intimate moments these past two weeks. I felt a little disconnected from myself and from him. Maybe I'll try and make things better between the two of us tonight.

I hope AF shows soon and that she's not brutal to me.