Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Out Damn Spot? More like AF

Ok so today is 7DPO according to my great looking chart. And while normally most people would be thrilled with increasing temps etc- I am depressed. Why? because I am still bleeding. Not just oh there is some blood...nope a full on AF type bleed, fit with cramps and a killer headache. So much so I am not even sure I'll test in 7 days.

My hope for this cycle? None

My hope that everything is okay and that this is "hormonal"? None

My hope that I'll be pg by the end of the year? None

So I am batting a thousand at this point. And...on top of that...my co-worker is pg too. 10 people now, that's 10 people that I personally know who are currently expecting...10 in the last 6 months. Yeah I am pretty sure this is God's little patience test for me. Ok, Lord, I hear you loud and clear. Time to slow it down and stop getting upset over things I cannot control.

Ray and I are going to continue trying even though right now we are putting a lot more focus into our trip to Australia and the exciting things we have coming up this summer. But I can't help but feel pretty disappointed in all this.

Not to mention of course that my OB/GYN who I adored has gone to NC leaving me without anyone to see about this "abnormal bleeding" problem. I made an appointment to see another OB/GYN, one actually affliated with Ray's hospital system but she can't see me until mid-August...so wait I must...like I must for a lot of things.

I guess this is what happens when you finally make the big "leap" to the TTC game. Lots of waiting around, lots of hoping for the best, lots of diappointments. I so much adore Ray and I can see that eventually we'll be successful but right now it just seems so far away. Everything in the Lord's time I suppose. Can't rush perfection.

That's it from here....

1 comment:

True Believer (AKA Desirée) said...

I know it's so hard to stay positive but don't give up on being preg by the end of the yr! There is still many months to go before that happens.
Hang in there and have some more ice cream = )