Staging a Rebellion?

I'm bleeding

Not like "oh a spot" and then it's gone. No I am bleeding--bright pinky/red blood. So much for my "I ovulated" theory. Looks like that's not happening.

Why, when I want to get pregnant does my body have to go and do this? I can't say that before I didn't care. I've always cared how f**ked up my body was/is but now it's even more frustrating and upsetting.

Maybe if I didn't chart I wouldn't have known how screwed up I am. Maybe if I didn't chart I wouldn't know all the weird and strange things about my body. Maybe if I didn't chart I wouldn't be so upset right now.

But the fact is I do chart, and I do know how screwed up, weird and strange my body is and the simple fact is that YES I AM UPSET about it.

This is only cycle 1 and already I am losing my "cool"- why can't I just get pregnant like a normal person? Why does my body want to hate me so much?

Talked with my mom this morning. She told me to stop worrying so much. Easy for her to say she had three kids, in a year (plus two weeks) she was 23 and 24 when she had us...I am nearing 30 and I feel my body rebelling daily.

So, today I am sulking, eating ice cream and praying that this "mini period" I have today is gone by tonight.

Oh well--I guess it's on to the next abnormal cycle.