No New Is Good News

Nothing has changed...

Still bleeding just not terribly.

But I just keep repeating that I am normal. I mean, after all that is what the doctor said, right?

I am not sure what to do any more. Part of me just wants to focus and concentrate on losing enough weight so that if I go back and see the awful doctor again, still having the same issues, I can effectively say "HA- now what?" I think that if I see her again in February with the spotting/bleeding issues, with the lack of ovulation and my weight down about 45 lbs (which is what she expected I needed to do to get my cycles straightened out) she'll start me on clomid and progesterone. But I shouldn't have had to go through all this.

I am still taking my records to an internalist that my MIL recommended but I am waiting until January to do that-so I can take a full day off to prep and I don't have to rush myself around.

Monday is our 2 year anniversary. I wish things were going better TTC wise. I think my frustration and health issues are really affecting my relationship with Ray...physically I am not as affectionate as I used to be, mentally I am so heart-broken I don't feel like being affectionate.

I can't explain it to him because he works just the opposite. When he gets down all he wants to do is kiss and cuddle and be comforted through physical stuff...I just want to be left alone. I know he misses me. I want to be a good wife but it's been so difficult. All I keep thinking about is the bleeding, the pain that I am in and everything else that is going on. I can't make him understand how difficult this is for me.

I am hoping our anniversary will give us a chance to reconnect.