Eh

That's how I feel...totally eh.

Proud of my weight loss but eh about everything else.

December marks our 7th month of trying. And my 6th consecutive month of not ovulating and my 2nd consecutive month of bleeding. Fun, right? Don't you just want to be me?

Now I have these abscesses everywhere again. I am in pain nearly constantly because of them. I've learned to live with the pain, lethargy, fevers, and general disruption to my life they create. What else can I do? I've tried nearly every home remedy out there, no one knows what causes them or how to get rid of them. Ray and I have appointments to see a dermatologist at the end of January. Maybe with more weight loss a doctor will finally take me seriously.

In the meantime, I bleed- heavy, light, heavy, light. I swear tampax made their profits on me this year. I guess that's what I get for skipping my period all those months when I was on HBC. If I knew this was going to happen...ugh.

The baby picture is looking worse and worse as the days go by. Even with weight loss I am not sure I can be helped. I'd like to think that at least a doctor will try and give a crap about me once I hit a BMI lower than 30 but who knows. I've lost all faith in medicine it seems.

I will try and remain as positive as possible but I am not sure how to do that...