Feck

8 at last count

8 girls pregnant that I know either personally or through other means...8 in the last 6 months. WTF is going on??

Yeah I know-we're trying now. We've finally gotten on our way and yet...it still hurts to hear that there are people in the universe who are already where you want to be. I don't think I can handle another pregnancy announcement without hanging myself.

It is hard to be genuinely excited for people when all you see is your own failings or attempts. It's like a lot of things in our lives. It takes us so long to make a decision on something and then finally, when the decision is agreed upon or modified--it seems like everyone pops up with the thing you want.

Ray and I talked last night. While I consider us already TTC he still considers us TTW. But if I had to be honest with myself I could NEVER see us really "timing" sex or just having sex around ovulation days. Besides the fact that I enjoy having sex with Ray, I am pretty sure Ray would stage a revolt if we ended up only having sex three or four times a cycle. I don't want that. I need a willing partner and if that means more sex for the both of us, so be it.

Lately I am back to having some medical issues that I wish would just go away. Ever since I was in college I've been plagued by abscesses in areas of my body that would make most people cringe. I don't know if it's because I am overweight or family history (mom gets them, auntie gets them etc) but I do know I hate them. I have two right now one under each armpit. I can barely raise my arms above my head they hurt that much. I've tried all kinds of remedies and I am on a natural turmeric remedy now. I sure hope it works as they hurt like heck.

I try to keep this information as much from Ray as possible since my health is a major concern for him and BIG factor with why we didn't move on the TTC thing earlier. I know that if I tell him all my "health issues" it certainly will put us back until he thinks I am well enough. Truthfully, I've been suffering with these health issues for the last few years...I don't see any sign of it really changing and I am not ready to wait until they all clear up 100% before moving with the whole TTC/TTW thing...

Either way...I am making the best of my situation.

Well that's it from here.