Why Me?

You would think with the copious amounts of sex that Ray and I have been having that I'd be happier. But alas because my body does not want to cooperate I feel sad and hopeless.

Today is CD 15 with no O in sight. My cycles have reverted back to unpredictable, long and probably, if I had to guess, annovulatory. Why am I even bothering with this TTC stuff? I feel as if I am running around in circles most of the time.

I told myself that after this cycle was over (when ever it chooses to end itself) that I am going to the OB/GYN and talking with her about my annovulatory cycles. I am not sure if she'll give me anything or if she can even help me but at least I can talk with her about it.

The last time I mentioned charting my cycles she kinda brushed it off. But maybe if I bring them with me she can pinpoint my problem and give me some help. I certainly do not want to be doing this for a year without at least being looked at.

Ray seems to be enjoying all the extra sex we've been having but I can't help feeling that there is some resentment there too. Like he thinks the only reason I want to have sex now is so that I can get pregnant. Which is partly true and partly not true. I love being with him and it's nice that the sex we have now is so good. But I am not sure how I'll feel in a few months when we still aren't and he still feels like sex every other day is worth it...

I have a lot to think about. I am not sure if I should lose hope just yet. I am only on CD15 but not O'ing now means if I O I'll O late or more than likely, not at all...

Bleh. Why does everything have to be so difficult?