November Rain

I love the holidays...

I love that it's fall and that our anniversary is coming up.

What I don't love is that this is our two year anniversary. You know the "unoffical" anniversary when people start to ask "so, when can we hear the pitter patter of little feet?" As if they could ask such a question without sounding like they are prying into your personal business...

Last week was my 29th birthday...another birthday where people ask "aren't you getting to the point where you should start thinking about having a family"--it's all coming together all at once.

I'm ashamed to admit that sometimes I think the same things. Or worse I think "it will never happen so why try"- this month marks the 5th month of our offically trying--and about 7 months of not really trying and not really preventing either. I suppose I shouldn't be so down about it...you know except for the pesky fact that I haven't ovulated in these last 5 months...and no one but me seems to be concerned with that.

I feel like the hits just keep coming and no one wants to help me fight. Not even Ray. Even though I know, by and large, that isn't true. I just feel alone.

I am not charting (I mentioned this before) because I don't even know how to mark half the stuff that's going on in my body. My BBT hasn't changed in months and all I do is spot, bleed, take a few weeks off...

The fact that I've lost almost 10% of my weight hasn't helped either. And i am screaming mad at the new ob/gyn for missing some important info about my tests. Not to mention I just found out that a woman here at work (who I know through occasional contact) is pregnant and she's at least 100lbs heavier than I am/was. I am not sure what to do any more.

I know I can't focus on other people...I have to focus on me. But it just seems so cold out here in the November Rain!