Uh...

So much to say, no time to say it.

Baby is moving and groovin' like the dickens. Of course Ray being oblivious still can't feel it. It's not like it's light taps or anything the baby uses my tummy as a punching bag but Ray can't seem to concentrate on what that feels like.

Anyway, I am not upset about it eventually the baby will kick or punch me hard enough he'll realize what it is. We decided on a name for the kidlet and bought furniture this week. Hopefully the furniture will be here before I give birth. We'll see. Even if it's not that's okay since baby will be in the PnP until he/she sleeps through the night. As long as I have the PnP and a place to sit upstairs in our bedroom that's all baby will need for sleeping arrangements when he/she is born. Everything else can come later I suppose.

I am slowly but surely working on the registry. Gosh there is so much baby crap- I probably don't need like 3/4 of it. But I want to register for the stuff I want not just need.

So naturally now that I am past the half way mark my thoughts have turned to L&D. I meant to talk with Dr J (my ob) about about it last time I was in the office but I had a raging UTI and talking about that took up most of our 20 minutes together. I'll ask at my next appointment. I still haven't decided if I want to go med free- I am thinking I would like to try but 1. I already know I'll be on antibiotics for the labor due to the GBS and 2. I don't want to be a hero-LOL. So I am not sure what the point of doing classes like Bradley etc are? Trish, I know you did Bradley are the infatically against pain meds? I'd like to leave my options open in case I can't take it. *sigh*

Life in general is going along okay so far. I still have yet to put up the wall paper border in the nursery but seriously, it will get done this weekend if I have to force Ray into the room with me. We also need to fix the closet door in there but I think that will have to wait until next weekend.

In other news- Ray's cousin Mark and his wife Julia (they are the one that have the year old baby boy-Sam) are expecting again. She's due two months after me almost exactly. We saw them probably a week before they found out. Isn't that great? I am so excited for them!! She said she's been really sick this time around- I told her that means it's probably a girl (just based on the fact that her symptoms are different from when she was pregnant with Sam). We are excited to see them next weekend-I guess I gotta start another blanket (of course I should finish the one for our baby first right?). I hope she didn't put her maternity clothes too far away-LOL.

Well that's it from here...back to work (or something like that) TGIF though!

On the fat train

I had an OB appointment yesterday. Aside from making me wait an additional half hour the appointment was rather uneventful. Just the usual, weight, blood pressue, pee in a cup stuff.

My AFP test came back normal. And the best news yet my early GTT came back normal too. w00t! I will have to do it again at 28 weeks or something like that but at least this one was in normal range so I am not so worried about the next one.

I gained 6lbs in the last 4 weeks. I have NO idea how that happened. I really watch what I eat but I am hungry all the time now. I don't eat chips or sweets-usually just fruit, yogurt or crackers so I am at a loss. I mean I am not perfect by any strech but it seems so odd to gain that much when I know I've been watching. Anyway, I am determined to do better these next 4 weeks. Ray is back on the WW bandwagon since he's been putting on the sympathy weight. Poor thing.

The baby is doing well. Heartrate was great and Doc had no trouble finding it at all. Baby was quite jumpy after the appointment and I actually felt him/her kick me when I put my hand on my tummy. That was cool. Ray spent about 10 minutes waiting to feel the same thing but naturally baby wanted to be a PITA. Now I know he/she takes after me. LOL.

This weekend I am determined to fix the curtains in the nursery and put up the wallpaper border. We are going to Lancaster next Saturday to pick out furniture. I figured I better get on that now while I still feel like I can and especially if it has to be ordered, it may take a while.

We started the babies r us registry and target too just because I am anal and I figured I better get my sh*t together sooner rather than later. I get into doing something and then lose interest so if I do it a little at a time that's better than leaving it to the last minute during the holidays. I can't believe it's already September. Gosh this whole pregnancy is going by so fast.

Well, that's really it from me and Baby Parrish. We have our next u/s appt in two weeks to check out baby's heart again. Not worried just excited to see our little one again.

It's a...

Haahahaha you thought I was going to tell you, didn't you?

Sorry ladies but I will not say what baby is. Just know it is either a boy or a girl, for sure.

The u/s went very well. Baby is measuring 17w6d as of yesterday and all the parts in the right place, all fingers and toes are there. The only thing is we need to go back in three weeks for them to check out baby's heart again. It seems baby was just too small to see all the necessary stuff to rule out any problems with the heart. It's totally routine for doc's to make people come back when baby is being uncooperative.

My mom and my sister were there which was a treat. The u/s tech told us baby's gender before they came into the room. Lucky us. So the secret is still safe! Now we just have to decide on names for our kidlet and we'll be all set (yup, you'll have to wait until after delivery on that one too).

Just know our babe is perfectly fine and healthy and the doc thinks baby's heart is fine too but they just have to see us again to be sure. :)

My next ob appt is next wednesday and I'll get to hear baby again. We are so lucky! I can't wait until we find a name for our little one. Soooo exciting.

Bundle of...nerves?

So here I am waiting impatiently for the hour to pass until Ray comes to get me for our "BIG u/s"! Gosh it seems so ominous when written like that.

I am just trying not to let my blood pressure go up. I know the chances are that everything is perfectly fine with the baby and that really the only thing I have to think about is whether I'll be more excited if baby is a boy or a girl. But naturally I have to make myself fret so I can feel like I am doing something...

The appointment is at 2pm but they won't take me in until 2:30 effectively making me stress even harder for even longer. Ray keeps telling me that everything with baby is perfect and that there is nothing to worry about. He also knows that by saying that it doesn't help but he says it anyway.

I shouldn't even be remotely worried because if any of my tests had come back positive for anything I am sure the Doc would have called. Then again, maybe not. I went 3 weeks with Group B Strep before the Ob finally said "did you take the antibiotics that were prescribed to you?" and I said "what?" and she said "for the group b strep, didn't someone call you?" -"uh no" but that wasn't a big deal (going the extra few weeks since it wasn't an active infection but rather "colinization"). A positive NT scan or triple screen would probably warrant a phone call at least. I would hope. The NT scan results were fine and she waited to tell me those results at my last appt.

So really this is just a routine "baby looks good" exam and the "you are having a..." exam. The u/s everyone but me seems to look forward to. Naturally I am curious about why I still look the same way I did at 12weeks now at 18weeks (is the baby growing right or what). The only slightly reassuring thing is that from time to time I can feel the baby moving around in there.

Well, keep us in your thoughts today ladies. Pray it's all "perfect" just like Ray says.

The Countdown Begins

Next Tuesday Ray and I will find out if little Clumpy is a baby boy or a baby girl. I am still thinking the baby is girl. Ray told me yesterday he thinks baby is a boy. But I believe he said that just to be contrary to me.

We have discussed names briefly but we are really waiting to find out what we are having before we go full force into it. Just look at names for either a boy or a girl is easier than looking at both. We both have names we like and I think we'll be okay no matter what we choose. I am not an absolute stickler for the name as long as its something we both like, even if I don't LOVE it.

Other than that not much else going on around here. The wallpaper border came in last week and Mom and Nat will help me put it up this coming weekend. Mom and I went to Boscovs on Saturday (since they are going out of business) and bought new curtains for the guest room but while we were there I managed to pick up to sage green valances for the nursery too. Now I just have to readjust the height of the curtain rod so it all looks nice. We spent 15 dollars on curtains for three rooms. Can't get a better deal than that, if you ask me.

That's life right now. Work is insane and we're still waiting to hear on the job Ray applied for and interviewed for a few weeks ago. The wheels of employment turn slowly at his job so nothing to be concerned with.

Oh and before I forgot

Congratulations to Ann on your Little One!

Whew

According to my "new" pregnancy ticker I am 16w1d today. It's so odd.

We scheduled our BIG u/s for Tuesday September 2. I can't believe it's only two weeks away. I am nervous as hell. I just want Baby to be okay- have all his/her fingers, toes, kidneys etc. I don't want there to be a single problem. Of course I don't-what mother wants that?

I had a complete breakdown yesterday. I've been having them a lot it seems. This past weekend I cried for at least 30 minutes about absolutely nothing (cleaning the bathroom, something I've done in the past-not a difficult job, nothing to be stressed about so explain it to me?) But yesterday I was just feeling down and I didn't know why, it was just a whole mess of stuff.

Ray and I were nicely watching the olympics. He had put away all the food from dinner and we were just hanging out like we usually do after dinner. I was thinking about February and how overwhelming all this stuff is. I started to just feel terrible- my body is changing, I haven't really felt the baby move (and I am over 16 weeks and that scares me a little), we have our big u/s in two weeks, I get my AFP results in three weeks- I am nervous, scared and I feel- well lonely to be honest.

I have no one to talk to who doesn't think all these little fears are "so silly" (as my mom says). What is our life going to be like in February? Will I ever be able to do any of the things I used to do? Will I even be good at this? Am I willing to be less selfish? Am I willing to compromise and give things up?

I feel like I've spent so much of my life coasting on "just enough"- just enough to get by and not get fired from my job, just enough to be a decent wife (but not a great one) to Ray, just enough to be a good sister or daughter to my siblings and parents. I don't want to be "just enough" for this baby. But I don't know how to be great at anything.

And I realized then (as I do right now) that any experience I've had with children has been terrible. I never ask to play with or hold Ray's cousin's children, I hated babysitting as a teen- WHAT WAS I THINKING? We wanted this, we worked for this and now- after 16 weeks of doctor's appointments and morning sickness and general stress I am now RETHINKING this whole thing? I can't go back, I don't really want to go back but---gosh this is so tough and I didn't think I would feel so inadequate or ill-equiped to do this.

None of my real life friends (except Ann and LJ) have been pregnant- none of them. My sister hasn't, my SILs (except the one we don't talk to) haven't. I am alone and I have no one to talk to. I just want someone to tell me that I'll do just fine. That I won't fuck this kid up for life. That even though I worry that the worry is okay and that Ray will be there to help me and I won't be doing this alone.

I could use a reassuring hug every now and again. I could use a real girlfriend to spend time with me so that I don't take all these negative thoughts with me into the world.

I used to have a best friend you know...now, even though Ray and I share everything I just don't think he really understands how overwhelmed and scared I am.

And so here we are

Squarely at the start of Trimester #2. So far, so good.

Yesterday was my second Ob appointment with my Doc (have I mentioned my complete LOVE of her???? I would seriously marry her if a. I were gay and b. she weren't already married and c. if I didn't already love Ray to death-but I digress) . The appointment went quite well. Blood pressure was 123/72, no protien in the urine but there may still be left over GBS (yuck), baby's heart-rate (the sound of which I ABSOLUTELY ADORE) was about 157. According to their scale I've gained 10lbs, according to mine 5- I like mine better LOL.

I did have to do the early GTT yesterday which sucked btw but wasn't nearly as awful as I heard it would be. I am just praying the results are normal so I don't have to do the three hour. The results from the NT scan were "perfect" baby is looking great. She did not give me the numbers (probably so I wouldn't stress about them, although I am sure if I asked she would have). I had the blood draw done for the AFP and my next appointment with her is on Sept 10. The big news though is that baby is measuring about 4 days ahead (which is where he/she would have been had I ovulated on CD14 like a "normal" person) so I am 15w2d today instead of 14w5d-so my due date was changed to 2/2/09- Groundhog's day and my late grandfather's birthday (I never met him).

I get to schedule our big U/S for 4 or 5 weeks from now. I can't believe how fast this is all going. It will be Feb before I know it. I feel like I'll never be prepared but I know that isn't true. Things sure are getting exciting around here. I've finally been asked about my pregnancy and it seems that my moods are getting better although I am still extremely tired in the afternoons.

Life is slowly getting back to "normal"